Badass

Is an awesome book!

I got it for Christmas from a dear dear friend and its just so fucking full of awesome!

Badass

GO THERE!  GET IT!  READ IT!

Like a bird in a cage…

Being poked and prodded by annoying little brats…

I found weed in my house tonight.  Or what I suspect as weed.  Not all of the scent from the peppermint tea smelled like peppermint.  There was a rather…horrible scent that wasn’t tobacco based either.  SO.  Next mother fucker to bring weed into my house will get my foot broke off in their asshole that will turn into their god damn mouth when I pull my fucking foot back out.

On top of that, this is my first blog since before Christmas and there is a lot to catch up on.  So…I’ll start with Christmas Eve.

 

Christmas Eve.

The party went ok.  It was over at my grandparents’ house.  I figured it would suck, but it didn’t.  A lot of weirdness did happen however…

My only uncle I will accept did something that he hasn’t done since I was 6.  He took his fist and tapped my chin and smiled like he just woke up from a coma or something.  It was strange.  It was like he remembered me being 6 all over again and was reminiscing.

My other aunt’s husband patted me lightly on the head and stated that he was proud of me.  Now this one, I don’t own up to because of a lot of reasons which I won’t get into.  It took me by surprise so I took it and stated “Thank you, that means a lot.” and smiled meaningfully at him.

After that, my cousin Kayla and I head out to chill.  We see Avatar (it was a badass movie, btw), and hang out with some guy she knows named Dakota.  Dakota’s a dick, but he’s funny at it.  It was a good time.

 

Christmas Day.

The first words out of my fucking mouth that morning were “Son of a bitch!”  My roof was drip dropping water for at least a half hour on a stack of comic books!  I feel bad, but I think Jesus would understand.  That’s what I woke up to, besides the awesome AWESOME MUCH APPRECIATED (seriously appreciated <3) “Merry Christmas!” txts from people.

I also had spiders in the cupboards where I keep my dishes I EAT OFF OF.

I got lots of books, some clothes, Dragon Age: Origins (and the female characters get laid!), and DVDs galore to keep my ass busy for a while.

 

Saturday, the Day after Christmas.

It went ok…Right up until I watched a bunch of little shits about 12 years old decide they were going to break glass bottles in the road in front of my house.  I watch them.  They get pissed.  I’m standing in my house imagining what it would be like to have a paintball gun to shoot the little cunts and not give a damn.  They started cussing me and I started cussing back.  I was still inside my house.  One little shit bucked at me and flipped me off so I almost broke down the door getting out of it and went down my steps.  They picked up pace.  They moved faster when I pulled out my cell and called Dad.  Dad came out and they mouthed off to him.  Needless to say, the little cunts probably know better now.

Also, I got a txt from Angel.  I saw her mom, Doodle (Mary is her real name), at my grandparents.  She was bringing them presents.  She and I are…were…still are…what have you, good friends.  She was stoked to see me!  So I don’t know if she’s got any idea what all has gone on.  But the txt from Angel said that (and this is a guilt trip) “You probably still hate me, and don’t want to talk to me, but I was wondering how you were doing because Mom said she saw you on X-mas eve.”  I deleted the shit.  I didn’t respond.  Fuck that noise.

 

Sunday.

My bro and sis in law come to town!  Its a good thing!  But Karen’s sister drove them down on her way to Savannah, GA.  Their mom wouldn’t let them leave early enough.  Its about 4 hours from here to where they were coming from and another 4 to Savannah.

 

Monday.

I take them out driving and show them what all has changed on this end of town.  I have a deep conversation with them both away from our parents.  We all decided its upsetting to see how our parents are becoming so scared and paranoid of the world that they hardly go out into it.  Mom’s started to freak out over every little thing.  She gets pissed a lot more often too.

 

Tuesday!

Was Dad’s birthday.  He had a decent one.  It started off ok, but gradually got better.  They don’t like getting older, I don’t blame them.  Not one bit.

 

Tonight.

I come home.  I’m tired.  I decide to decorate my room a bit.  I am walking around in and out of the hallway looking for certain things to put in certain spots and I step on a piece of glass.  I haven’t dropped anything made of clear glass so I don’t know wtf it came from!  I’m probably going to get an infection!  I put triple antibiotic on it.  I’ll clean it out more thoroughly later.  I put a Band-Aid on it and continue what I was doing.

Shortly after, I find a little green tin that says peppermint tea on it.  I open it up and there’s an overpowering smell of something that you never forget once you’ve smelled it.  Its called weed, pot, refer, mary jane, marijuana, etc.  I got pissed and flushed it down the god damn toilet.

I am so fucking tired of this shit.  I haven’t seen these people in months AND THEY WON’T FUCK OFF!

For instance.  This is rather god damn weird.  After the txt from Angel, I figured something was going on.  I put it out of my mind because its the holidays and a lot of shit would be going on.  Well.  I got a friend request from Olivia’s boyfriend!!!! Jailhouse Jodi wants to be my myspace buddy!  He sent a message with it saying: “hey olivias not friends with angel anymore and she told me to add you and i rememberedd how cool you were too :)”  To which I responded with: “What? What? What? What?  Also to be fair and honest with you since you and I never had any beef (and I thought you were cool too)...  I don't really trust anyone. So don't take it offensively if I don't believe it at first because of piles and piles of bullshit freely flung willy nilly in the air.  What happened, if you don't mind me asking?”  So we’ll see.

The last god damn shit Olivia said to me was fucking harsh and bullshitty and I want to kick her god damn Shrek looking fat fucking face into her god damn fat ass and light it on fire.  I won’t have this god damn shit.  I’ll find out what I want to and I already stated I don’t trust people so.  Fuck em if they get pissed.  Fuck em good.  If they call saying “WEEEED!”  I’m going to call the Cops and say “GET YOUR ASSES OVER TO THIS ADDRESS BECAUSE I MIGHT MURDER A WHORE OR TWO!”  Then get over there as fast as fuck and beat the shit out of em and wait for the cops already laying down on the ground with my hands behind my back.  I won’t have be having this shit.

In all honesty, I smell a big fucking giant soaking wet foaming at the mouth rat.  I think that they want to know the link to this blog to find out wtf I’m doing or something because I took my blog off showing stuff on my main page and that’s mostly when a lot of this shit started.  Its all a pile of bullshit as stated above.  I don’t trust any god damn body but a handful of people.  Maybe.

When will they get the idea that I don’t want shit to do with any of them?  Why won’t they fuck off?  Is it popular to be friends with older people or something?  For a bunch of dumbasses that want to be treated like adults, they sure as fuck act like needy infantile brats.

Cigarettes.

I want one so bad.  Not fiending for it, but I need it to relax.  Sadly I’m badly allergic to them and cigars.  Weed is just out of the question.

There’s a certain issue that’s driving me bat-shit crazy.  I’d go more into detail, but I don’t know who reads my blog and if said person finds out about any of this, I’ll go lay down in the middle of Lake Michigan in the middle of January.

I can’t get him out of my head and its making me sick.  The first couple of times things popped into my head I got sick.  Like bad sick.  I feel that if I took up smoking, I would feel better and not care.  Bullshit.  I’d get lung cancer from my first puff.

Maybe I should be a nun.  Then I can swear and get kicked out of the sisterhood of penguindom.  As many times as I have taken God’s name in vane over the past 4 days, I’ll probably burst into flames as soon as I step inside the church.

God damnit.

“Jane:/Room”

A friend of mine, Pinks as you all know her, has her own blog.  I read her newest entry and it made my eyes all watery and tingly.  (You can find it here: http://liltingknit.blogspot.com/)

She knows me so well and its an honor to know her like that.  Pinks is a caring person, she feels everything.  When I have a problem, something funny to tell, or I see something specific, I automatically think of her.  I have other close friends I think of like that, but none as much as her.  She’s always there when you need a shoulder and seeing her hurt is heart breaking.  If I had my own sister, she would be my little sister.  She’s very intuitive.  For such a small package of awesome, she’s got a large pair of brass, she doesn’t see it though.  Pinks will find out eventually, she will be in a moment where she will have to take the initiative and step right up.

That’s one thing I admire about her.  When you mess up, she’ll tell you in the most polite way and when you realize it, she’ll giggle from the funny reaction.  She helps keep me grounded and I appreciate that.

Now I’m going to shower and start my day and probably pirate a song or two.  I hope all your days started off as good as mine.  :)  Good day.

Yesterday sucked.

It started at about 5 or 5:30 am when I had a dream about someone I NEVER WANTED TO HAVE A DREAM ABOUT LIKE THIS.  It was very adult themed and I woke up screaming and flailing and I fell out of bed because of it.  It was not a good kind of scream or a good kind of flailing.  I’d have much rather dreamed Freddy Krueger was chasing me, but then again that’s a good dream for me.

From there, every time I tried to sleep I was rather frightened to close my eyes so I just stayed awake.  Around noon, I went and took a shower.  For some ungodly reason, I had a flashback to his face from a previous situation and I threw up in the bathtub.  The expression stayed with me the entire day and its still there.  I see it when I close my eyes and it takes all the power in the world to keep me from puking.

After sleep deprivation and boredom set in, I go next door for Sunday dinner.  We watch a movie and eat and then we decide to go out.  We hit up Wal-Mart and the stores around it and have fun.  As we are in one of the stores, I start getting bitched out via txt and my night is just shit all over with no remorse from the other person.  (To which, I would like to thank because it just dragged down my entire fucking night.  I really enjoy being bitched at for my own actions.  :D  Thank you!)

After a couple hours, shit calms down.  As we are leaving Wally World, this guy with electric blue hair and corn rows (which they didn’t look bad on him) sees me.  I see him.  We make eye contact.  I have in my neon extensions.  As my parents and I are approaching the door, he slows down to talk to me and to wait on this very much older woman he is with.  He keeps looking back at me.  I can’t help but smile.  As I walk past, he compliments my hair and I compliment his.  Dad shoves me out the fucking exit and I don’t get a name, much less time to compliment him back.

Pissed me off.  He was about my age, had nice manners, good hygiene, had all of his teeth and they were pearly white, dressed well.  God damnit.  I feel like crying.  I got no name, no number.  He got no name, no number.

Thanks everyone who gave me shit and made yesterday seem so wonderful.

But non-sarcastically thank you to those who checked up on me.  LOL  That was entertaining from the txts and the call.

Liar and a coward.

Never, once, have I been called a liar and a coward for telling the truth.  Never.  I’m pissed.  I’m hurt.  And he can fight his own god damn battles from now on.  I’m so tired of doing things and wonder if they’re going to hurt him or her.  Its not my fault you’ve done some things and its not my fault you take everything like a stab in the back.  Stop acting like it is.

WTF, God?

WTF.  Why do you hate me so?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH

Thrift store “What The Fuck?!”’s

My parents decided to go out today.  I went with them.  We went to a thrift store.  Holy fucking shit.  The following pictures are from the store.

    

 

 

 

 

It looks like someone’s ash urn! WTF?!

I didn’t want to touch it.  Dad jokingly said there were ashes in there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  This just screams “BITCH! WUR IZ MY MUNIE?!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What in the bloody hell?

He was sitting on a shelf, mkay, hidden by a bottle that had flowers in it.  Now I know why.  I can’t tell if he’s naked or if that’s just a jacked up Chef’s outfit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ITS A FUCKING MULLET WIG!  MY LIFE IS COMPLETE! HOLY SHIT!

 

 

 

 

 

 

These are from the Good Will….

 

 

 

 

 

Duh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing screams “Here, Bobby, read some books! You have Curious George, Diago, AND BOOKS FUCKING COVERED IN BLOOD!”

They were all lined up in the middle of all these kid books.

 

 

 

 

 

At the thrift store, the cashier was talking about how they had a Christmas party and all the food was gone and all that was left was a lot of liquor.

Now we know what happened to the liquor…Santa and Frosty.  AA, NUKKAS! AA!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scrooge McPenguin!  He looks pissed to be 2-D.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later at the grocery store, after I watched 5 rednecks all walk into the automatic doors that refused to open…

 

 

 

 

 

I just thought this was awesome.

A night with the Opera.

I love Operas, but I could never see one in person.  I need subtitles like nobody’s business.

Tonight is another sleepless night so I decided to play Morrowind.  When I got tired of just hearing my character’s feet tramping over the terrain, I turned on PBS.  PBS is something I would probably die without (other than the internet).

Tonight was Great Performances.  This episode was Tosca.  I unfortunately came in at Act 3 so I can’t tell you much.  I do recommend it for those that do enjoy the arts.

The act begins with Tosca’s love, Cavaradossi, awaiting execution that morning.  A boy is singing in Roman dialect in the background as the soldiers inspect their guns for the execution.  There’s an exchange between the jailor and Cavaradossi.  The jailor walks off stage and Tosca enters.  She tells him he’s free and there will be a mock execution and for him not to get up until she tells him to, but he has to make it look convincing when he falls.

The gunmen enter and line up with Cavaradossi against the wall.  Tosca stands in the back in a black gown and watches.  They fire.  He falls.  They walk away.  Tosca goes to get him up, but the mock execution was a real execution.  She is there crying over her body when someone else enters and tells of what she did to Scarpia, the villain.

Before Act 3, Tosca had an exchange with Scarpia and wound up killing him to save them both.  They come to get her and they chase her.  She runs up the castle steps with the soldiers close behind her.  She yells that she and Scarpia will meet before God and jumps off the side of the castle to her death.

How unfair it is to have something like eternal love and happiness for the rest of your life but to have it taken away from you by force.  Having to make a choice that stands at 50/50 that you will be dead shortly after to save the one you love would probably be the hardest ever.  I guess when that love is already dead and gone, its easier for you to just end your own in hopes of meeting again in the next life.

That fucker.

You see that fucker down there?  The one on that video?  The blonde bastard with the girly coat.  Yeah.  Him.  I want his god damn coat.  Fucker.

Why are people so God damn fucking stupid?

It seems that more and more people have to learn things the hard way.  I know I do, but sometimes I actually try to avoid them.  But some of the stuff that I do does not compare to the utter idiocy of a lot of people.

Let me give you an example…

Dating a God damn whore.  An annoying controlling fucking bitchy nasty whore.

WHY?!  I know love is blind, BUT BLIND PEOPLE CAN STILL FEEL AND SMELL AND – AND – AND STUFF!  Its more like convenience to me.  You don’t do something like this out of convenience.  It fucks shit up real bad in a lot of ways.

Or…

I’m going to do drugs because its so fucking socially awesome!  Fuck that and fuck you.

OR!

I’m going to steal shit and get pissed off because I lost my cash cow!

ORRRR!

I’M GOING TO GO 90 MPH ON THE GOD DAMN INTERSTATE AND RUN FOR THE GOD DAMN POLICE BECAUSE I’M A GOD DAMN FUCKING IDIOT!  AND I’M GOING TO DIE AND MY FAMILY IS GOING TO BE PISSED AT THE COPS BECAUSE MY GOD DAMN ASS RAN!

ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I’M GOING TO WAIT UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE GOD DAMN MINUTE AND FUCK SHIT UP FOR EVERYONE BECAUSE I’M A GOD DAMN BITCHY ASS CUNT!

And I’m done.

It won’t leave.

Get it the Hell out of my head.

 

What a day Saturday was.

With only 20 min of sleep, I got up and went with Mom and Aunt Linda Christmas shopping for 3 of my cousins.  I was apparently helpful and good company because Mom bought me this hat for Christmas without any rude remark like she usually gives.

We’re out until about 11 am and Linda is going to babysit another cousin’s 3 kids; a 3 year old step-son, a 1 year old and 9 month old (that might both be his.  The jury is still out.)  I offer my services.

When the kids roll in, my cousin’s truck tires are peeling off in layers.  Its one thing if its him, but he had 3 little kids and his little brother in the truck.  5 people in a truck and 3 of them in various car seats.  He gets pissed when my uncle kind of bitches at him about it.  I would have.  I also would have given him more attitude if he got his daddy to call to inquire what was going on.  I know everyone’s poor, but people have tires laying around that aren’t dry rotting.

Also, none of the children had on coats.  We go to a parade at about 2:30 pm.  The 9 month old and 1 year old have on fleece jackets.  The 3 year old has on the equivalent of a wind breaker.  The 9 month old got to stay in her carrier and got a fleece blanket draped over her.  The 1 year old was going between Linda’s big son and herself and they both produce large amounts of body heat.  The 3 year old was running around after candy.  When I noticed his face was turning purple and his nose was starting to run, I took off my coat and draped it around him.  I stood there in my cotton hoodie.  Now I’m sick.  I’m going to punch their parents in their dicks.

If you have kids, make them – FORCE THEM – to wear coats.  Even if they start crying and throw fits.  MAKE THEM WEAR THE GOD DAMN COAT.

Management serves what fucking purpose?

In this economy, especially around here in a mill town, hardly anyone has a job.  The mills have all moved to different countries and more people are losing jobs.

One year when this all hit, Freightliner fired a bunch of people.  My brother was working for the local newspaper when that happened and he had obituary duty.  A lot of suicides came in.  They never published it because it could cause a chain reaction.  It partially did.  The numbers were pretty high.

Today, my father lost his job.  He got laid off.  His managers at his plant got together and worked out a plan.  After Christmas or the beginning of the year, they were going to make people cut back 8 hours a week so everyone could keep jobs and before Christmas, they were going to make people cut back 4 hours.

In Seattle, their plant just laid off a bunch of people.  Up there, they have a constant rotation of people coming in and leaving.  Down here, people stay there.  Dad would have been at this place 16 years in May.  The asshole management in Seattle bitched and moan about it all and forced their hand and a bunch of people got laid off.  Dad’s boss cried when he told him.

Dad and Mom don’t hold a grudge because after the first of the year, Dad was going to be moved to a different place and in all honesty, the plant has been a good place to work.  We’ve always been poor, too.  The only reason we have everything we have is because Mom knows how to budget.

I hold grudges, I hold grudges for a long time and I don’t see what the fuck is wrong with a bunch people doing their jobs to keep their employees.  God damn dick grabbers.  I’m rather fucking pissed about the whole deal.  I’m also worried.  There are no jobs, but Dad has more experience than I am.

Just because one thing works for one place doesn’t mean its the right thing for another place.  Seattle is more populated.  Gastonia is not.  Thanks, assholes.  I hope you all have a bad Christmas because right now, I feel like Ebenezer Scrooge.  At least I’m not a child anymore.  I don’t really need presents.

Maybe when I go out with Dad when he goes to put in for unemployment, I can learn a few things.

 

This isn’t the only place with cunts for management.  Wal-Mart down here has a bunch of managers that walk around and make the cashiers cry WHILE THEY ARE CHECKING PEOPLE OUT.  This one short, bald bastard looks like a goblin from Oblivion and I want to kick his face in.  Last I checked, it is not their job to make the employees sob while they are trying to do their jobs.

They also bitch at people who are stocking because there’s still unpacked stock in the aisles.  Customers come up and ask where things are.  Sometimes the employees have to go show them where it is or sometimes they go to the back to get what it is the person wants.  The managers get pissed.  They also expect part time to do fulltime job and bitch about it when they don’t get every single damn thing finished.  The reason I’m bringing this up is because Aunt Barbara works there.  She stocks in Dairy.  Every god damn manager there is a piece of shit with sticks in their asses.  That is not how you run things.  If someone is doing their job, you act cool to them and polite.  If they’re dicking around, then yeah.  I can understand being a rabid troll hell bent on ripping someone’s head off.

Fuck management.

I have no idea wtf I’m doing!

I’m 24 years old and I am just now going to wear eye shadow FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.

I DON’T KNOW WTF TO DO WITH EM!  I am getting the brushes and stuff that I need for Christmas.  Mom agreed after I told her my plan and she was like, “Don’t ask me what to do with it.  I’ve never been able to wear eye shadow because it makes me break out,” but she helped me find the colors I was looking for that we could find.  Eye allergies run rampant in the family.  My brother can’t wear contacts because of the solution, every solution. 

My eye colorS are grey, hazel, green, and blue of various shades.  I have these colors:

 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!  Now what? I experiment, but I think I might have to wait until Christmas.  Son of a bitch.  -.-  I hate waiting.

And another nail is found in the tuna…

My parents and I were at Books.  We were having a fun time.  We went to leave.

There is this nasty, skank, piece of shit, fucking nasty ass whore named Rachael.  Rachael is an STD queen.  She’s dated and screwed a few people I know and changed them for the worse.  She and I had a run in a few times and she should know by now that if she lays one god damn hand on me, I’m ripping her arm off and kicking her until she’s dead.

Well.  She was there.

I hear from over my shoulder FROM HER FUCKING DICK SUCKING MOUTH, “Ew.  Her hair looks nasty!”

Shortly after my fists ball, I hear a voice I know as my friend whom can’t speak with me anymore because of her, say “Don’t touch her!  No!  Don’t touch her!”  and shortly after that one, I hear another recognizable voice from one of her exes say that I was off limits.  2 guys out there warned her.  A total of 4 guys out there know what I am capable of.  I wasn’t alone.

After I told Mom about it, she offered to knock her ass down and kick the shit out of her.  She said there were two of us.  When she offered to go back, I told her that Rachael had gone inside shortly after, presumably to hide like the little chicken shit she is.

Later on, Mom stated, “I would have let you kick her a few times, but you would have held my purse.”

I promised that I would not touch the STD queen unless, UNLESS, she touched me first.  She said, “That’s right.  I taught you better than to street fight.”

What a day.

Someone put fried bleach blonde hair in my black fingernail polish, a brand new bottle only used once.  I had to throw it out.  I can take many guesses as to who it was.  But its ok…  My mom told my aunt to beware since their being dumbasses and my cousin’s the same age as them and getting buff.  So it will just be a little time before either all Hell breaks loose because family who are friends with them don’t believe it OR they find themselves isolated because of it and their reps ruined for all this bullshit.

Nasty skanks.  I put a curse on them for all of this.  I hope they’re miserable for the rest of their lives.  This in turn will probably bounce back on me, but I was already miserable.

My nutcracker…

That can fit balls and nuts into his mouth.  Look out guys! >)  As Pinks says, “BDSM anyone?”

 

Dear diary…

Its me Jane.  Today I realized just how dead sexy Lord Sheogorath of Shivering Isles really is…

 

Gaston from Beauty and The Beast.

(03:34:00) Kostchtchie: But. But. He has badass decorating skills.

(03:34:06) Kostchtchie: EVERYTHING HAS ANTLERS!!

(03:34:11) Kostchtchie: NIGGA LOVES ANTLERS!

(03:34:19) Kostchtchie: AND THEY'RE ALL ERECTED POINTS!

(03:34:26) Kostchtchie: ARE YOU SEEING WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS!?

 

Yeah.  I said the n word and meant nothing racist by it.