St. Patrick’s Day.

WHAT A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!  I MEAN REALLY!  I’M IRISH! I SHOULD BE HAVING FUN!  BUT NO!

FUCKING MEN!  GOD DAMN BULLSHITTY MEN!!!

I HAVE TO DEAL WITH A 30 YEAR OLD THINKING EVERY TXT I SAY IS A FUCKING COLD DROP IN ANTARCTICA!  FUCK!  BITCHING BECAUSE I WOULDN’T FUCKING TALK TO HIM ABOUT SHIT OVER THE PHONE!  I ALREADY FUCKING TOLD HIM EVERYGODDAMNTHING THAT NEEDED TO BE SAID!  APPARENTLY FUCKING NOT SATISFACTORY ENOUGH!  I DON’T GIVE BLOW JOBS LIKE CANDY!  WHY DON’T PEOPLE GET THIS SHIT!?  FUCK ME FOR TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT!  APPARENTLY NO UNDERSTANDS WHAT TYPE OF PERSON I AM BECAUSE WE’RE ALL WHORES AROUND HERE NO MATTER WHAT!!

I GOT FUCKING ATTACKED BY A GOD DAMN HAWK!  I’VE HAD A HEADACHE ALL GOD DAMN DAY FROM IT AND A GOD DAMN WELT ON THE SIDE OF MY FUCKING HEAD FROM IT!  I COULD HAVE GOTTEN CLAWED TO SHIT AND HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL FOR ALL SORTS OF FUCKING SHOTS!

WE WENT OUT AND GOT CHINESE AT MY FAVORITE FUCKING PLACE WE HAVEN’T BEEN TO SINCE BEFORE CHRISTMAS!  I DIDN’T ENJOY IT BECAUSE I’VE BEEN PUKING IT UP FOR THE PAST HOUR!

I GOT NO GOD DAMN SLEEP SINCE 4 PM YESTERDAY!

I GOT STABBED IN THE LEG BY A FUCKING RUSTED SCREWDRIVER!  IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GOD DAMN WOODS!

I HAVE AN OLD CREEPY BLACK MAN CONSTANTLY DRIVING PAST MY HOUSE AND WAVING AT ME AS HE LICKS HIS LIPS!

YEAH!  AND I’M BEING THE COLD HEARTED NASTY BITCH!?

FUCK!  FUCK ME GOING OUT AND DOING ANY GOD DAMN THING!  FUCK THE WHOLE GOD DAMN MESS!  I FUCKING HATE TECHNOLOGY AND PEOPLE!

The Doctor is out.

Fix your own god damn messes.  There are so many people that sit there and ask for help and when its given, THEY DON’T FUCKING LISTEN TO IT AND THEN THEY DO THE SAME GOD DAMN SHIT OVER AND OVER AND OVER.  I’m not sorry, ITS REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING.  THE DOCTOR FUCKING QUITS!  FIX YOUR OWN GOD DAMN SHIT!

Also, if the above does not apply to you, the following might…

STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE WHAT I TELL YOU ABOUT IN PRIVACY.  FUCK.

“Shawty”

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL BULLSHIT IS THAT GOD DAMN WORD?!  ITS FUCKING STUPID.  IF IT MAKES IT INTO THE GOD DAMN LEXICON, I’M GOING TO MURDER SOME BITCHES!

GOD!

Chiggers, Gs, wiggers, and whatever the fuck else dumbass fuck with no brain cells in their head use it!

FUCK.

YOU.

What brought this on was suppose to be a harmless fucking trip to the god damn Dollar Tree.  We walk past  Game Stop.  Out in front of that store, there is a big trash can.  Leaning on it were two fucking dumbass skinny rednecks.  My dad and I are talking about PT Cruisers and Mom is walking slightly ahead of us.  As we pass them, the one actually sitting on the fucking trashcan like filth said “Hey, Shawty.”  My response was “NO! JESUS!” over my shoulder.

WHAT.  THE.  FUCK!?  SOMEONE SHOULD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIS PARENTS!

What the fuck happened to “Hey, how are you?”  APPARENTLY IT GOT SHIT ON BY REPUGNANT FUCKING STUPID CUNTS!

I hate people.

Tactless pricks.

Giving someone my contact info does not justify messaging me that you’re fucking horny and want to talk dirty at 10:40 pm when I want to go the fuck to sleep.  Its different when its wanted attention, but if the person has a girlfriend,  FUCK THAT.  I mean seriously!  SHIT!

Jacob txted me and is like “I’m horny.” and I’m like “NO!”  He goes on to say how attracted he is to me and THEN SHARES SOME INFORMATION THAT I COULD LIVE WITHOUT!  EVERYTIME WE’VE SPOKEN, HE’S BEEN STROKIN’!  WHAT THE FUCK INFORMATION IS THAT?!  WHO THE FUCK SHARES THAT SHIT WITH SOMEONE?!  WELL!  I FUCKING SCREAMED FOR ABOUT AN HOUR!  Then he shared the many times afterward!  WHAT THE FUCKING BULLSHIT HELL IS THAT?!  WHY?!  I DON’T WANT TO KNOW!!!!!

On top of that, some home dude on FB is like “I think you’re sexy” and bullshit and then talks about wearing pleather pants in the ice.  I FUCKING SCREAMED AND I COULDN’T STOP!  THE IMAGES TAINT MY MIND!

WHO DOES THIS SHIT!?  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!  GOD!  Pinks tried to get me to think about Daniel Craig naked.  IT WAS FUCKING TAINTED BY HOMEFUCKER IN PLEATHER PANTS!

IF I KILL PEOPLE, THAT IS WHY!

All the screaming made me wake up with a sore throat.  Fucking nigs.  God damn.  Leave me alone about this shit.

Glue adhesive

Things are starting to pile up and the pages of my life that I thought I had figured out are starting to fall away as the glue thins.  A few things have been brought to my attention and I can’t help but feel a little bit stabbed in the back over.

I know I lied when I said I wouldn’t be posting as much in the next few days, but between being unsatisfied with angry music, destroying something with a hammer, screaming angrily at the top of my lungs wishing for that lightning to have actually hit me, having my heart ripped out of my chest by my own doing in order to move on with life, and sobbing non-stop when I am in private, its rather complicated not to sit here and write it down.  Even if any of the readers find it stupid, its mine and I do it my way.

I’m use to people kicking me when I’m down so I should not exactly be surprised upon hearing a few things about a few situations.  Because of this, my fun is ruined.  My ideas of some people have been flushed down the shitter.  I’m starting to become quite comfortable facing the negative and not finding any light in any situation.  I know there is at least one of you that might read this out of curiosity to see what is going on and shake your head.  Well fuck you.  Not everyone sees the golden rays of sun shine in the middle of a hurricane.  Even when the eye passes over for a fleeting moment, the storm comes back again.

Last night I sat down and took a look at myself, friends, and my “friends”.  I find that I am entirely too trusting in people.  I should not be, but I always thought that giving someone the benefit of the doubt was a human thing to do.  WRONG!  Its the equivalent of letting in the mother fucking Devil.  I’m better off pouring red brick dust in front of all my doors and putting a circle of salt around my house.  Certain people wedge themselves deep under your skin like a tick.  When that happens, you can only pull them out with a knife and hope you get the head too or else you get an infection.  Once they are out, you burn them.  You let them pop and listen to them hiss like the parasites they are.  They’re opportunists and will wrong you any chance they get for personal gain or for some sort of satisfactory release (AKA orgasms galore!)  Good friends don’t choose one side over the other if supposed friends are quarrelling.  They stay the fuck out of it until both sides of the story is learned, unless one person is not there to defend themselves, they tell the other person to knock it the fuck off.  They also don’t dally with an ex after they told you nothing but shit about him/her.  They also don’t call/txt/pm someone and tell them complete and utter bullshit THAT’S NOT THE GOD DAMN TRUTH TO BEGIN WITH!

Some people on the other hand are actually worth having around.  Even if they don’t agree with everything you do, they voice it politely one adult to another instead of yelling at you like a parent and acting like you’re fucking stupid for how you feel.  The people that encourage you and say “Even if I don’t like the situation you get yourself in, I will help you in any way I can.  Just call me and I will see what I can do.” are true friends.  They come and help when you’re getting ganged up on.  They bail you out of jail.  They come get you when its late at night and you have a flat tire.  These people are a handful out of billions of leeches and ticks.  They listen to what you have to say and offer a shoulder.  You, supposedly being a good and fair person, offer them one in respect.  That is how it is done, not take mother fucking take.

As for myself, I have thought about many things.  I am mean to a lot of people, but most deserving and some not.  I offer a shoulder, a word.  I don’t reveal secrets for blackmail.  You wrong me first and give me the equivalent of a shotgun blast to the chest, then the gloves are off and its bare-knuckle fighting.  I do have a habit of talking about people behind their backs, but sometimes its unavoidable even if its not right.  I have lied about things before in the past, but I was still mostly a teenager.  Lying now is just a stupid game of gain until you get busted.  Then what?  You deal with the mess you fucking made.  Its a part of growing up that people can’t grasp.

Because of stupid teen dramas and how people behave on TV, everyone things its natural.  Its about as natural as a whale raping an elephant and giving birth to an otter.  You don’t shit on people to make yourself feel better, especially if that other person could possibly ruin you with pictures, txts, voice mails, etc.  Its a chance, but it does happen a lot.  The fact that most people believe that all this drama and lying and back stabbing and using maliciously is normal proves that they should never have been born.  Their parents should have been beaten with heated iron rods and left alongside the road.

I wonder how many people that I’m talking about are actually reading this.  Yeah… If you are, I know about it.  If you have the balls to do it, you have the balls to deal with the consequences.  Even if you get VD, they have cures for most venereal diseases…  AIDS on the other hand.  God luck with that one.  I solute you for whoring yourself out.  Even if you get laid more than me, I have enough self respect not to throw myself at dick or pussy to win someone’s affections.  Its probably fake as shit anyway.  Another is Death, but we won’t go there will we?  Never wish death upon someone.  It might take you instead.

I hate people.

I really do.  A necklace I saw in a pic and remembered I hadn’t worn in a while is missing.  I really hope it turns up.  I am sick and tired of my stuff going missing.  I know I have a lot of things, but they are my things.  My property.  Not up for grabs to nasty little bitches and whores and cunts that come into my house.

There’s not much I can do considering a lot of it happened before last Thanksgiving and the cops wouldn’t look into it.  If the moms talk about it, there’s no telling what will happen.  I can understand the other mom getting pissed because her daughter might be getting slandered, but its truthful.  Also there is the fact that maybe it wasn’t all her and it was mostly the other fat dumb cunt that came around.

To be honest, I want to beat the shit out of both of them.  I want to take their heads and smash them with a bat.  I never have really hated someone so badly before in my life nor have I wanted to kill so badly.  I guess if something happens to either of them, I’m going to get brought in as a suspect because of the things said in this blog, if I am investigated.  I highly doubt it.  I didn’t do it, but I’ll be laughing my ass off in front of the cops.

Oh well.

Opinions welcome

The…monologue below is in response to a couple of things that have happened since the last time I have spoken about A and O.  They can all shove it and smother on it.

 

“Think of me how you want after you read this because frankly, I don't give a fuck.

I feel like a big war is on the horizon.  Between you two contact me and Angel and all the fucking god damn bullshit that's come up between then and now, I'm not really wanting to be anyone's friend.  I've become extremely hostile toward both parties and I don't know whether either side is being truthful or if this is all one big funny haha and you're both sitting there together.  I can tell you and I warn you in the most blunt non threatening way possible, do not show up at my house, ever.  If an ax murder is chasing you to kill you, stay the fuck away.  If you are in a car accident and your arm is lost to oblivion and you're bleeding profusely, stay the fuck off my door step.

The weed was bad enough.  But yesterday, I came home to find a used pad that was attached to my toilet tank on the bottom had fallen into the floor.  The only reason why I didn't smell it was because I clean my god damn bathroom every other fucking day.  Upon further inspection, THERE WAS ANOTHER ONE!  Now.  You may think it was me, but I have more class and taste than to put my used god damn pads under my own fucking toilet.  I put them in the god damn trashcan. Imagine that one!  In the trashcan!  Gasp!  They both had wings on them too!  That explains why I had no pads around Halloween and why Angel sat there and wouldn't do me the favor of taking me or letting her brother take me to get pads.  WOW!  I must be a big god damn fool!  But kid you not, if you come near me don't expect a friend.  I've had it.  With the entire fucking thing.  If you even speak to Angel at any point whatsoever, I don't give a shit who did it, tell her to step off.

My things that are missing (and I am very VERY TERRITORIAL ABOUT MY THINGS, ESPECIALLY MY FUCKING COLLECTIONS) are two packs of AA batteries and AAA batteries, the skull bracelet that I always wore with the 3 skulls on the leather strap with the buckle clasp, a studded bracelet, a few of my bootlegged DVDs (but those are replaceable) Love Actually was a real DVD and not exactly easy to find in my price range, a skull necklace, a brown necklace, some of my band patches, a couple of my anime DVDs like Kiki's Delivery Service but I got it for Christmas (someone got mother fucking lucky), my spider clip that I made and only wore once, my skull barrettes, a samurai figurine, $10 of my Christmas money went missing (and that makes me see red because someone stole something that was for someone else), $5.50 in state and colonial quarters, and a couple of my vampire books.

If anything else has been done to my house, fess up now.  One more thing and I'm dragging other people into this because I'm fucking sick of MY OWN GOD DAMN HOUSE BEING A FUCKING TRAP.  I could have gotten seriously sick from that whore move.

I give chances, only once.  After that, fuck you and fuck off.  I was ripped off, lied to, jerked around, and used.  Stay away from me.  Every single one of you, Sorry Jodi.  Olivia wasn't exactly nice after the last time we spoke.  Strike 3.

Peace out.  Enjoy each other.  Good luck to you, Jodi.”

Like a bird in a cage…

Being poked and prodded by annoying little brats…

I found weed in my house tonight.  Or what I suspect as weed.  Not all of the scent from the peppermint tea smelled like peppermint.  There was a rather…horrible scent that wasn’t tobacco based either.  SO.  Next mother fucker to bring weed into my house will get my foot broke off in their asshole that will turn into their god damn mouth when I pull my fucking foot back out.

On top of that, this is my first blog since before Christmas and there is a lot to catch up on.  So…I’ll start with Christmas Eve.

 

Christmas Eve.

The party went ok.  It was over at my grandparents’ house.  I figured it would suck, but it didn’t.  A lot of weirdness did happen however…

My only uncle I will accept did something that he hasn’t done since I was 6.  He took his fist and tapped my chin and smiled like he just woke up from a coma or something.  It was strange.  It was like he remembered me being 6 all over again and was reminiscing.

My other aunt’s husband patted me lightly on the head and stated that he was proud of me.  Now this one, I don’t own up to because of a lot of reasons which I won’t get into.  It took me by surprise so I took it and stated “Thank you, that means a lot.” and smiled meaningfully at him.

After that, my cousin Kayla and I head out to chill.  We see Avatar (it was a badass movie, btw), and hang out with some guy she knows named Dakota.  Dakota’s a dick, but he’s funny at it.  It was a good time.

 

Christmas Day.

The first words out of my fucking mouth that morning were “Son of a bitch!”  My roof was drip dropping water for at least a half hour on a stack of comic books!  I feel bad, but I think Jesus would understand.  That’s what I woke up to, besides the awesome AWESOME MUCH APPRECIATED (seriously appreciated <3) “Merry Christmas!” txts from people.

I also had spiders in the cupboards where I keep my dishes I EAT OFF OF.

I got lots of books, some clothes, Dragon Age: Origins (and the female characters get laid!), and DVDs galore to keep my ass busy for a while.

 

Saturday, the Day after Christmas.

It went ok…Right up until I watched a bunch of little shits about 12 years old decide they were going to break glass bottles in the road in front of my house.  I watch them.  They get pissed.  I’m standing in my house imagining what it would be like to have a paintball gun to shoot the little cunts and not give a damn.  They started cussing me and I started cussing back.  I was still inside my house.  One little shit bucked at me and flipped me off so I almost broke down the door getting out of it and went down my steps.  They picked up pace.  They moved faster when I pulled out my cell and called Dad.  Dad came out and they mouthed off to him.  Needless to say, the little cunts probably know better now.

Also, I got a txt from Angel.  I saw her mom, Doodle (Mary is her real name), at my grandparents.  She was bringing them presents.  She and I are…were…still are…what have you, good friends.  She was stoked to see me!  So I don’t know if she’s got any idea what all has gone on.  But the txt from Angel said that (and this is a guilt trip) “You probably still hate me, and don’t want to talk to me, but I was wondering how you were doing because Mom said she saw you on X-mas eve.”  I deleted the shit.  I didn’t respond.  Fuck that noise.

 

Sunday.

My bro and sis in law come to town!  Its a good thing!  But Karen’s sister drove them down on her way to Savannah, GA.  Their mom wouldn’t let them leave early enough.  Its about 4 hours from here to where they were coming from and another 4 to Savannah.

 

Monday.

I take them out driving and show them what all has changed on this end of town.  I have a deep conversation with them both away from our parents.  We all decided its upsetting to see how our parents are becoming so scared and paranoid of the world that they hardly go out into it.  Mom’s started to freak out over every little thing.  She gets pissed a lot more often too.

 

Tuesday!

Was Dad’s birthday.  He had a decent one.  It started off ok, but gradually got better.  They don’t like getting older, I don’t blame them.  Not one bit.

 

Tonight.

I come home.  I’m tired.  I decide to decorate my room a bit.  I am walking around in and out of the hallway looking for certain things to put in certain spots and I step on a piece of glass.  I haven’t dropped anything made of clear glass so I don’t know wtf it came from!  I’m probably going to get an infection!  I put triple antibiotic on it.  I’ll clean it out more thoroughly later.  I put a Band-Aid on it and continue what I was doing.

Shortly after, I find a little green tin that says peppermint tea on it.  I open it up and there’s an overpowering smell of something that you never forget once you’ve smelled it.  Its called weed, pot, refer, mary jane, marijuana, etc.  I got pissed and flushed it down the god damn toilet.

I am so fucking tired of this shit.  I haven’t seen these people in months AND THEY WON’T FUCK OFF!

For instance.  This is rather god damn weird.  After the txt from Angel, I figured something was going on.  I put it out of my mind because its the holidays and a lot of shit would be going on.  Well.  I got a friend request from Olivia’s boyfriend!!!! Jailhouse Jodi wants to be my myspace buddy!  He sent a message with it saying: “hey olivias not friends with angel anymore and she told me to add you and i rememberedd how cool you were too :)”  To which I responded with: “What? What? What? What?  Also to be fair and honest with you since you and I never had any beef (and I thought you were cool too)...  I don't really trust anyone. So don't take it offensively if I don't believe it at first because of piles and piles of bullshit freely flung willy nilly in the air.  What happened, if you don't mind me asking?”  So we’ll see.

The last god damn shit Olivia said to me was fucking harsh and bullshitty and I want to kick her god damn Shrek looking fat fucking face into her god damn fat ass and light it on fire.  I won’t have this god damn shit.  I’ll find out what I want to and I already stated I don’t trust people so.  Fuck em if they get pissed.  Fuck em good.  If they call saying “WEEEED!”  I’m going to call the Cops and say “GET YOUR ASSES OVER TO THIS ADDRESS BECAUSE I MIGHT MURDER A WHORE OR TWO!”  Then get over there as fast as fuck and beat the shit out of em and wait for the cops already laying down on the ground with my hands behind my back.  I won’t have be having this shit.

In all honesty, I smell a big fucking giant soaking wet foaming at the mouth rat.  I think that they want to know the link to this blog to find out wtf I’m doing or something because I took my blog off showing stuff on my main page and that’s mostly when a lot of this shit started.  Its all a pile of bullshit as stated above.  I don’t trust any god damn body but a handful of people.  Maybe.

When will they get the idea that I don’t want shit to do with any of them?  Why won’t they fuck off?  Is it popular to be friends with older people or something?  For a bunch of dumbasses that want to be treated like adults, they sure as fuck act like needy infantile brats.

Liar and a coward.

Never, once, have I been called a liar and a coward for telling the truth.  Never.  I’m pissed.  I’m hurt.  And he can fight his own god damn battles from now on.  I’m so tired of doing things and wonder if they’re going to hurt him or her.  Its not my fault you’ve done some things and its not my fault you take everything like a stab in the back.  Stop acting like it is.

Management serves what fucking purpose?

In this economy, especially around here in a mill town, hardly anyone has a job.  The mills have all moved to different countries and more people are losing jobs.

One year when this all hit, Freightliner fired a bunch of people.  My brother was working for the local newspaper when that happened and he had obituary duty.  A lot of suicides came in.  They never published it because it could cause a chain reaction.  It partially did.  The numbers were pretty high.

Today, my father lost his job.  He got laid off.  His managers at his plant got together and worked out a plan.  After Christmas or the beginning of the year, they were going to make people cut back 8 hours a week so everyone could keep jobs and before Christmas, they were going to make people cut back 4 hours.

In Seattle, their plant just laid off a bunch of people.  Up there, they have a constant rotation of people coming in and leaving.  Down here, people stay there.  Dad would have been at this place 16 years in May.  The asshole management in Seattle bitched and moan about it all and forced their hand and a bunch of people got laid off.  Dad’s boss cried when he told him.

Dad and Mom don’t hold a grudge because after the first of the year, Dad was going to be moved to a different place and in all honesty, the plant has been a good place to work.  We’ve always been poor, too.  The only reason we have everything we have is because Mom knows how to budget.

I hold grudges, I hold grudges for a long time and I don’t see what the fuck is wrong with a bunch people doing their jobs to keep their employees.  God damn dick grabbers.  I’m rather fucking pissed about the whole deal.  I’m also worried.  There are no jobs, but Dad has more experience than I am.

Just because one thing works for one place doesn’t mean its the right thing for another place.  Seattle is more populated.  Gastonia is not.  Thanks, assholes.  I hope you all have a bad Christmas because right now, I feel like Ebenezer Scrooge.  At least I’m not a child anymore.  I don’t really need presents.

Maybe when I go out with Dad when he goes to put in for unemployment, I can learn a few things.

 

This isn’t the only place with cunts for management.  Wal-Mart down here has a bunch of managers that walk around and make the cashiers cry WHILE THEY ARE CHECKING PEOPLE OUT.  This one short, bald bastard looks like a goblin from Oblivion and I want to kick his face in.  Last I checked, it is not their job to make the employees sob while they are trying to do their jobs.

They also bitch at people who are stocking because there’s still unpacked stock in the aisles.  Customers come up and ask where things are.  Sometimes the employees have to go show them where it is or sometimes they go to the back to get what it is the person wants.  The managers get pissed.  They also expect part time to do fulltime job and bitch about it when they don’t get every single damn thing finished.  The reason I’m bringing this up is because Aunt Barbara works there.  She stocks in Dairy.  Every god damn manager there is a piece of shit with sticks in their asses.  That is not how you run things.  If someone is doing their job, you act cool to them and polite.  If they’re dicking around, then yeah.  I can understand being a rabid troll hell bent on ripping someone’s head off.

Fuck management.

And another nail is found in the tuna…

My parents and I were at Books.  We were having a fun time.  We went to leave.

There is this nasty, skank, piece of shit, fucking nasty ass whore named Rachael.  Rachael is an STD queen.  She’s dated and screwed a few people I know and changed them for the worse.  She and I had a run in a few times and she should know by now that if she lays one god damn hand on me, I’m ripping her arm off and kicking her until she’s dead.

Well.  She was there.

I hear from over my shoulder FROM HER FUCKING DICK SUCKING MOUTH, “Ew.  Her hair looks nasty!”

Shortly after my fists ball, I hear a voice I know as my friend whom can’t speak with me anymore because of her, say “Don’t touch her!  No!  Don’t touch her!”  and shortly after that one, I hear another recognizable voice from one of her exes say that I was off limits.  2 guys out there warned her.  A total of 4 guys out there know what I am capable of.  I wasn’t alone.

After I told Mom about it, she offered to knock her ass down and kick the shit out of her.  She said there were two of us.  When she offered to go back, I told her that Rachael had gone inside shortly after, presumably to hide like the little chicken shit she is.

Later on, Mom stated, “I would have let you kick her a few times, but you would have held my purse.”

I promised that I would not touch the STD queen unless, UNLESS, she touched me first.  She said, “That’s right.  I taught you better than to street fight.”

What a day.

Someone put fried bleach blonde hair in my black fingernail polish, a brand new bottle only used once.  I had to throw it out.  I can take many guesses as to who it was.  But its ok…  My mom told my aunt to beware since their being dumbasses and my cousin’s the same age as them and getting buff.  So it will just be a little time before either all Hell breaks loose because family who are friends with them don’t believe it OR they find themselves isolated because of it and their reps ruined for all this bullshit.

Nasty skanks.  I put a curse on them for all of this.  I hope they’re miserable for the rest of their lives.  This in turn will probably bounce back on me, but I was already miserable.

Goth and punk fashions…

Are done extremely wrong in a lot of cases these days.

Not being goth nor punk, you probably won’t take me credibly.

Pinks and I watched some “How to Dress” whatever videos on youtube.  What the fuck are some of these people thinking?  “You don’t want to look like a clown.”  I hate to tell them this, BUT IN A LOT OF CASES THEY DO!

The videos came from two different sets of girls from Cali.  One group had an obsession with lace.  The other group had an obsession with safety pins.

I know that in both sub cultures, lace and safety pins have their place.  However, that is not the entirety of the sub cultures.

Goth is dramatic.  Its dark colors; dark reds, blues purples, different shades of grays, etc.  It lives up to its name.  Dark, and sometimes morbid.  There’s satins, silks, velvets, polyesters, ruffles, straps.  It all depends on what type you’re going for, Victorian or Romantic etc.  Its its own mentality and lifestyle.

Punk has its own dramatics.  Its angry.  Its forceful.  Its a lot of DIY.  Its very characteristic.  Safety pins help in a lot of ways, BUT IT IS NOT THE ENTIRE GOD DAMN THING!  You’ve got flannels,  denim, leathers, torn tights, slashed shirts, slashed jeans.  Its not about tightness or looseness as long as it looks good.  If you want to look like a cheap hooker that’s been on her knees one too many times, go for it.  If you want to look like Wal-Mart’s Easter aisle raped your hair, GO FOR IT.

New punk is not like the old punk.  Sadly the old punk has died out.  Not many “punk” brats now know what CBGB’s is.  Most of them don’t even know who The Ramones are.  Most don’t even know where half their emblems come from.  I’ve seen punk kids wear Misfits stuff and not know where the skull came from.  I do. Its based off the poster for The Crimson Ghost.

I hate these brats that are like “So leik I am this! AND THIS! OMG!” and go way over the top.

Note: PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! IF YOU ARE GOING TO WEAR SOMETHING, KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IT IS AND MEANS!  The Kanji for “peace” is not punk.  A Geisha is more than just an interesting design.  Pull your head out of your fat ass and pay attention.  Just because you dress one way doesn’t mean you are what you say.

Lemme go emo on you guys for a bit…

What makes it someone’s business to come and question another person’s actions when there was no legitimate physical harm done?  Believe you me, I wanted to fucking beat the life out of bitch.

What happened was…

I got a txt from Angel earlier.  She gave me an apology.  The apology still doesn’t feel like a real one to me.  I’ve let it stand as is.  I have the txt still on my phone.

BUT!

I was getting txts from Myspace and while I was on there sending messages, her brother popped up.  I’ve known John for years now.  For some reason the fat cunt decided to bother me about shit.  I made it clear that I was still pretty pissed.  I don’t give a god damn what the fuck Angel is doing.  Its none of my business no do I want to know.

So, I get monologued.  How lovely is that!?  Turns out the fucker had been drinking and was wanting to know why I would cut off friendships.  Hm.  Let me think.  BEING A BITCH, A LIAR, AND A BACKSTABBER FOR 4 MONTHS CLEARLY GIVES WAY TO STILL BEING FRIENDS!  WOW.  No one told me that in school!

They can all go fuck themselves and go to Hell and stay there.

I owe no one answers.  I don’t owe anyone anything.

The first thing after clocking into reality…

I woke up at 7:30 am, really pissed for some reason.  I started cleaning knives for a while. HOW MESSED IS THAT?!

Anyways.  After that, I am checking Farmville.  Facebook can suck a nut.  Seriously.

Also, I had more dreams where I was breaking someone’s face.  This person I knew and this person really pissed me off with her “I MUST GET IT BEFORE SHE DOES!” attitude.  She’s an ex best friend that won’t keep her god damn mouth shut about things that aren’t her business to tell.  This is her picture!

 

 

Her face nicely crushed in the end.  She bragged to me once after the first time I saw her in about 2 years that she was thinner than me.  She said it was because she gave up eating meat because she got sick.  She later stated that she had an eating disorder.  I laughed in secret.  Should have laughed in her face.

 

 

 

NOW FOR SOMETHING THAT ISN’T A SCARY MONSTER!

 

This made me laugh nonstop:

The thievery continues!

I had $50 Christmas money.  I bought my sister in law something and had $40 left.  Well, there’s $30 left in the envelope.  Where there had once been 2 $10’s and 1 $20, there is now 1 $10 and 1 $20.  I’m going to get my pound of flesh and my gallon of blood.  They better watch their backs.

Liars and thieves

Angel and Olivia came into my home and ripped me off. I am missing 6 DVD’s, 2 band patches, 4 bracelets (one was Quincy’s collar who has long since passed), a necklace, 2 skull rings, a vampire book, my spider clip that I MADE, some other hairclips, and a couple skulls.  Filbert and Randall are missing.  Yes, I name them.

If I ever see them in public, I am going to rape their faces with my fist and smear their mangled flesh across the asphalt screaming every single malignant word I can into their ears.  A pox and a curse on them both.

They also raped from me my faith and trust in people.  I feel used and it was right under my nose.  I feel sorry for anyone else who crosses my path in the future.  Every word they could say to me would be questioned.  Right now, actions speak louder than words.  Good luck if this happens to any of you.

 

God damn twats.  I hope they fall into ruin fast.  They won’t get away with this.

Wow, what a dumb cunt.

So as you all know, I requested my shit back.  I only got my book and the wrist cuff, which is fine.  Those are the main things I wanted back besides the purse.  I also just realized that when I got up this morning, I put on Olivia’s $40 dipped neck black hoodie.  I guess we’re even because she’s been looking for it and I’ve been sporting it a lot better than she had.

Well.  I went outside at about 3:30pm.  I had heard a couple noises and I never say anything when I looked out so I didn’t expect to find my stuff.  I did get it, however.

In North Carolina, its really hot and really humid in the summer so when it gets cold, a lot of crawling insects want inside the house.  They find it easier to go under the doors.  I have laundry detergent sprinkled in a line in front of my door to deter the little buggars.  The dumb bitch, being Angel or Olivia, threw my stuff in said detergent.

I really hope Angel and Dillon date and he fucks her, gets her pregnant and screws her over.  Looks like he got one more shot at me and it hit dead center.

I am certain I am getting called a lot of names, probably nothing as colorful and creative as the ones I’ve been calling them.  They need to learn they’re not immortal.  They need to learn they’re not playing little girl games.  They’re playing adult games and they dislike the outcome.  How stupid can you get, I mean seriously.

Angel bitches at her mom for being a parent.  I hope her mom gets enough and slaps the shit out of her and kicks Olivia out on her ass.  There’s a lot coming to them, I hope it hits them hard.

Its time to grow up, ladies.  I’m not the immature bitch headed to ruin.

(When I find it, I will show you people my horoscope for the day from our daily newspaper.  It made me snicker.)

Wow. Just…Wow.

Wow.  Ok.  So.  I got a reply from my message asking for my shit back.

1) Olivia was under the misapprehension that I gave Angel that purse.  I did not, but I put a curse on it.

2) Angel was a fucking retard by letting Olivia dictate for her.

3) Olivia was a diseased cunt while dictating.

4) They can both suck my non-existent dick!

5) THEY ARE FUCKING STUCK WITH EACH OTHER!

6) He can have her stupid ass.

 

Over a year ago, Olivia spewed nothing but lies, NOTHING BUT LIES!!!!!! at Angel.  Angel did the “big” thing by talking to her again.  A day later, Olivia moves in with Angel and her family.  Olivia has been the ever since.  She’s not keeping her room clean.  She’s an opportunist and an enabler.  Angel doesn’t like her, BUT NOW THEY’RE STUCK WITH EACH OTHER.

Also, I should be able to go get my license soon!  All Dad has to do is talk to the insurance people and BAM!  I can go get my license so I won’t be stuck at home all the time.

Remember, when you befriend an 18 year old, beware.  Not all of them are bad, just some get that feeling of “I AM IMMORTAL!”  You’re “immortal” until you fall on your ass in your own shit that you made.

Also, the replies!:

 

Me (the first message):

Olivia, you have a yin-yang purse you made off with a year ago, I want it back. I was patient about it. I won't ever see the person who got it for me again. I never gave you permission to use it.

Angel, I want my book, Skull and Talon, back. I want my cuff bracelet too. That book is signed and probably a once in a lifetime deal. You keep that 6 bucks you owe me. You also have a wallet chain from months ago.

If I don't get these things back, I'll let you know how much you owe me.

You have until Saturday. If no one answers the door, leave everything in the door. I'm tired of it. Secrecy and lies are not a friendship. You've both changed. After the first time you lied to me, I should have guessed it wouldn't stop. The fact you act like its a personal hit is selfish, like I need any of this too?

Maybe in the future we can be friends again, but right now being alone seems like a better idea.

 

Angel (apparently through Olivia):

first of all u have NO RIGHT what so ever to be mad at me. Or angel for that matter. it was all Dillon asking u that. not us. angel doesn't even want to date Dillon. all i did was get a message. how can i prevent that? plus u gave that purse to angel and she let me barrow it so yeah. and for the record angel told Dillon not to do that but he did anyways. what, we are suppose to be able to control other peoples actions? you preach so much about being mature about things when ur being FAR from it. u could have just said, if it bothered u so much, that u don't want him to date angel. that would have been the MATURE way about it. angel didn't want any of this to happen because she thought ur friendship was worth more than some guy but to u apparently it isn't. I'm not gonna sit back and let u say all this. its not right. there was no lying or any PLOTTING against u. but u believe what u want. i don't have ur bag. i don't have half of my possessions and i cant get them back. but like i said u gave the purse to angel. angel said don't come to her house, she will leave it at yours. and just so u know i"m not apologizing. i have no reason to.  (I love how it just entirely went right over their heads why I was pissed!  It wasn’t the fact they were talking to Dillon.  IT WAS THE FACT THEY FUCKING LIED ABOUT IT.  TO MY FACE!  SEVERAL TIMES!  The twats don’t realize I wanted him out of my life because of how badly he hurt me.  Really hurt me.  I’m still getting over it and it was in July!)

 

Me:

I don't want an apology. I just want my stuff. If you don't have the bag, fine. I have asked her time and time again not to talk to Dillon. She could have just as easily told him to leave her alone. I even made mention to him to leave her alone.

I made no mention of feeling a plot against me. I just thought something was up.

Also, I have no way to get to her house. She need not worry about me acting crazy like that.

 

Angel through Olivia again (or Olivia…Hard to tell stupid from stupid):

It's really not right to give your friend and ultimatum like that. Dillon has done nothing to her to make her hate him. She only wants to be friends with him. I don't see why thats such a bad thing. She didn't tell him to like her or make him like her. The reason she didn't tell u she was talking to him because she knew you would handle it this way. But they were only EVER talking to each other as friends. But Angel says if it makes you happy she will stop being friends with Dillon for no apparent reason but she will to make you happy. And she says don't be talking to her brother and telling him all this stuff.  (I asked her repeatedly not to talk to him out of respect for me so she lies about it.  He left me for her.  It looks really fucking bad on both of them, especially now.  They deserve each other.)

 

Me:

I haven't said anything to her brother. Its none of his business.

 

Olivia:

i was just telling u what she told me

 

(I wonder which cunt it was typing that 2nd reply from them.  The way of typing entirely changed.  Oh well!  I also believe she’s going to tell lies about the whole thing too and she doesn’t want them found out.  Oh well.  Once a diseased cunt, always a diseased cunt apparently.)

Talk about a stab in the back…

On Friday, we went to the drive in, Angel, Olivia and myself.  Before the movies started, Angel looked at me and was like “What if Dillon (my 2nd ex that left me for weed) wanted to be friends again?”  I responded with “I’m tired of giving second chances.  Its not going to happen.”  It struck me as odd at the time, but I let it go.

Tonight!, just before I got in the shower, I got a txt from Myspace saying that “dillon.” wants to be my friend.  Take a big guess as to it was!  He wanted to be my friend and talk to me about something.  Since I can, I am going to post what was said!  I am also going to post what I said to Angel after.  I hope she’s pissed and she’s crying.  I know that might sound harsh, but when you read things, you can probably understand why…

Me:

What is it you want to talk to me about?

Dillon:

haha...damn, didn't even accept my friend request.
but seriously, i'm unsure as to whether or not you're aware of the fact that i have feelings for Angel.
i'm hoping that we can maintain a civil veneer...but how do you feel about that?

Me:

I know you have feelings for Angel, its rather obvious. Give things you have said in the past, why even bother talking to me at all? You made it clear months ago you no longer wanted to be friends. This secretive bullshit is unfair all around. Do what you want, you already do.

Dillon:

why worry about the past?
i've changed quite a bit since we dated.
i really feel like i've found myself...so any perspective you may have had about me beforehand has more than likely changed.
i know i said that i didn't want to be friends...but that's changed.
i don't want us to not be friends...because there's no reason for it.
i was asking how you feel out of respect for you, because i wouldn't want to put a strain on your friendship.
i know that it would make things a bit uncomfortable, but it's nothing one can't adapt to.
if it makes her happy, then it's really not a major ordeal.
but i can see that no matter what i do, you're still going to be bitter towards me...even now, when i make a peace offering.
i'm sorry it turned out this way...and i know it's solely my fault that it's like this.

Me:

If she dates you, that shows what kind of friend she is. I didn't even know you two were talking like that.

And worry about the past? I feel used, Dillon. I really do. I can't help it and it probably won't go away.

It is big of you to try to make a peace offering, but I don't think I can do it. Sorry. I'm badly hurt and now I'm even more hurt.

Dillon:

how do you feel used?
i was honest with you when our relationship ended.
i needed to figure things out and i finally have.
but what's more important?
things that sucked in the past, or your friend's happiness?
i really don't know what else to say other than i'm sorry i hurt you...but i still don't understand how you could feel used.

Me:

You dated me while you had feelings for Angel, Dillon. I was even told you dated me in hopes to get over her. How can someone not feel used upon hearing that?

Dillon:

whoa, whoa, whoa....who in the hell said that?
my feelings for Angel developed after you and i had been broken up for quite some time.
how could i date you to get over feelings for her when i chose to date you well after i had met Angel?

Me:

I don't remember, to be honest, but I remember hearing it. It hurt worse than being hit by a car.  (It was Angel that told me this.  She said that he had said it.)

Dillon:

i know you probably don't trust me at all...but i swear on my uncle's grave that i never said anything of the sort.
i can understand how you'd be bitter, if that's how you thought it was.
i would never EVER use you to get over feelings for someone else.
i can demonstrate the excessive bullshit in the thought that i would do that.
if i had feelings for Angel to begin with...wouldn't it have been much simpler for me to have never pursued a relationship with you in the first place and concentrate on Angel?

Me:

Its happened before.

Dillon:

how so?
Jane, i am so sorry that you feel that way.
i wish i could show you how terribly wrong that is...but it's really up to you.
the thing is, Angel's so shy that i couldn't develop feelings for her from the moment i met her or anything.
you know as well as i do that she's not the most extroverted person.
so how could i have feelings for her and date you in order to overcome aforementioned feelings?
i knew very little about her until after you and i had ended our relationship.
i feel horrible that you think i'd do something like that to you and it physically angers me that someone would spew such unfounded bullshit.
i'm so sorry that you feel like that...i sincerely am.
all i can do is continually apologize and hope that you'll see that that is the furthest thing from the truth.

Me:

You have caused me more trouble than you can imagine. I can't fathom where to begin. So taking someone's word over actions is rather complicated.

Dillon:

umm...that didn't really answer anything, but okay.
i'm not gonna bother you anymore and this the last you'll ever hear from me.
it's entirely up to you whether or not you and i have any kind of friendship after all of this.
but just know that i am always open to reconciling things with you no matter what.
again, i sincerely apologize and i hope you see the truth.

Me:

I know that didn't answer anything, but frankly, I don't know who or what to believe anymore. I wish you had never started talking to her. That doesn't help your case at all and it doesn't help make me believe you. You know YOU KNOW that it would hurt me and it would make you look really bad. It still does. It makes her look bad too. Just leave me alone. Stay out of my life, please. I've shed more tears over you than I have my dead pets. Just please disappear outta my life. Please, I'm begging you.

Dillon:

you got it.
goodbye forever.
i'm sorry things had to be this way.

Me:

Thank you and I'm sorry too.

 

Now.  Here’s the thing.  Olivia and Angel told me they weren’t talking to him.  BIG LIE!  I sent Angel a txt after the first couple of messages…

Me:

If you date him…

Angel:

What?

Me:

Dillon is asking me permission to date you.  Asking me if we can be friends for your happiness.  Is there anything you haven’t told me?  Please tell me if there is.

Angel:

I dont know i just found he was talking to you because hes been sending olivia messages i really dnt need this shit after being dumped on by jeff  (Big fucking tear.  I fucking warned her A WHOLE SHIT LOAD OF TIMES HE WAS A WORTHLESS CUNT.  AND THE FACT SHE SAID SHE DIDN’T NEED THIS?!  FUCKING SELFISH TWAT.)

Me:

Yeah. Be warned then.

Me:

That explains that question you asked me at the drive in.

Angel:

No, That was not it.  I had asked that because i talked to him one night and i told him that he should try to be ur friend because of the dick way yall broke up.  (I don’t need favors.I was doing fine!  I was fixing my shit that he left nearly destroyed.  Seems like she said this shit to cover her own ass.)

Angel:

I was trying to help you because i know u really liked him and now i look like a dick (Yeah.  Really?  Yah fucking think so?!)

Me:

Yeah, but he had a hidden reason apparently.

Angel:

Me:

I’m not pissed at you or Olivia for the record.  I’m pissed about the whole situation.  It all kind of came out of no where for me.  Just please, all of you, stop talking to him.  Its apparently more trouble than its worth because I feel like throwing myself naked in the river.  (Later I did get pissed because I realized a few things.)

Then I got no messages.  On Myspace, I sent her a message saying I felt betrayed by her and Olivia.  Like a god damn cry baby, she posted this as her status:

Now I'm the asshole and all I wanted was an asshole who cant seem to pull his head out of his ass long enough to get air. Goddamn it

Mood:whatever

 

Yeah.  Her life is totally over.  Maybe my mistake is befriending a 19 year old.  Then I decided to be nice and write an explanation:

This is why I feel betrayed.

You lied to me once about talking to Dillon. I begged you many times to not talk to him. You still did. You could have ignored his messages and such. Then you tell me you're not talking to him anymore. Then you tell me that you told him that he needs to make amends for what he did. He did it to get brownie points with you. I was fine not talking to him again. I appreciate the gesture, but someone shouldn't be made to apologize.

When you asked me what if Dillon wanted to be friends again, you had told me you weren't talking to him long before that. You also answered with "Oh nothing." when I asked you why. Neither of you told me that he was talking to Olivia about dating you and how I would feel about it. You all know how I would feel about it.

I just don't know who or what to believe because you have become so secretive about everything. I don't feel like you trust me anymore or you fear how I will react. I told him to disappear from my life. If he still talks to you, PLEASE FOR THE LAST TIME, DON'T TALK TO HIM! Please. I'm begging you. Please.

He said he was worried about it putting strain on our friendship. It has. It has put a lot there. I just didn't say anything because you're don't need any extra baggage. But maybe I should have and a lot of this would have been avoided.

I'm hurt and I'm crying. I don't how to fix it. I just felt I owed you an explanation of some sort. Don't lie to me anymore.

 

Now her status says:

It's not worth it.

Mood:whatever

 

I’m not saying shit to any of them for the next few days.  If she talks to me before then, I’ll figure out what to do.  If I hear nothing after a week, so be it.  If I send something after a couple days and no response, fuck her.  Fuck em both.  I’ll figure something out.