I must be fucking insane part II.

Because here’s an update of what I’ve gotten done…

 

 

 

 

(Don’t you like my bra?!)

I must be fucking insane…

My latest project:  falls.

Its hair extensions with a twist, quite literally!

This is what I have so far…

This is what you start out with.

Normal yarn.  This is 100% cotton.

 

 

 

 

 

This is how I braided it.  I left pieces in between the braids for texture.

 

 

 

 

 

This is how I looped it.  That 2nd holder is for the brown I have to work on.  If I do it correctly, the bottom with be the browns and the top will be the green and yellow and white.

 

 

 

 

 

This is stiffened with the glue.  Elmer’s Glue.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is what I have with glue on it so far when I took this pic.  Now there’s more, I just gotta apply the glue.

 

(I look like an anime character.)

 

 

(You can also see my little hair piece thinger.)

 

 

 

 

This is the hair clip piece.  I had a small hair clip and a short piece that didn’t fit as a bracelet and I have a hair clip for the front.

 

 

 

 

 

I cut off the knot at the bottom.  The glue seems to hold nicely.

 

(I have no idea where I’m going to wear these. My mom would shit kittens if she found this.)

People suck.

I had to bitch out a mopey 30 year old man today.  On the fucking phone.  I slept from 10 pm to 3:30 pm and he called me and was like “You haven’t called.” I was just getting out of the shower and he got all huffy because I hadn’t called.  I was sick all last night and passed the fuck out for a good long time.

So. I cussed him for about 10 minutes and he still has no idea wtf he did wrong.  Not to his understanding, even though I told him about 80 times.

Apparently he’s like my first ex, jealous and clingy and thinks that everything I say to him is cold.

I really wish I had ice water running through my veins.  Then I would know to keep people at a distance.

Now I have to figure out what to do.  He’s a nice guy otherwise.

Fuck.

This is a fuck my life moment.

St. Patrick’s Day Part II.

Well.  The beginning is always the hardest part to start.

So I will start with an old story…

As you all know, last weekend my grandma was put in the hospital.  Sunday she was released.  She’s doing fine.  But the thing is what I tell you all next…

While we were waiting to hear from the doctors in the emergency room, my 40 year old over dramatic Aunt came and got us all.  She walked over, threw her hand in a circle without saying a word, and said that the whole family should come.  It was the longest walk of my life.  It was only 10 feet around a blind corner.  Then I saw my grandpa.  He was red-faced and teary eyed and sitting with his hands in his lap.  I have never seen him this way.  I felt my heart hit my feet and I nearly passed out.  I stood there and had an anxiety attack.

Turns out they ran my grandfather out of the emergency room because they had to resuscitate my grandma several times.  They were worried he was going to have a heart attack while they worked on her.  Margaret was just pissed she got tossed out of the room.

My grandma apparently died several times that night.  They had to resuscitate her at their house and feed her oxygen in the ambulance.   They had to do it again a few times at the hospital.  When they got her stabilized, they let family go see her.

Mom found this out over a call with Aunt Linda.  Aunt Linda had just gotten back from over there and felt the need to call Mom about that and about this…

Talking to my grandma is like talking to a child sometimes.  Lately she’s been wondering why we haven’t come to visit.  Margaret told Grandma that it was because Grandma called Mom a “Bitch”.  Which is entirely untrue.

Apparently on the same day Grandma got out of the hospital, Aunt Linda went and filled their medications.  When she went to Grandma and Grandpa’s, someone had went and gotten hamburgers and milkshakes.

Grandma did not “choke” on a pill.  She was butted in the place where the stomach meets the chest and it knocked the breath out of her.  What actually happened, I don’t know.  The doctors never told the rest of us.  Whomever was in the room when the emergency room doctor showed up told the doctor to tell Grandpa because he was her husband.  The woman that said that was Margaret we assume.

Margaret also states that my parents are lazy, snobbish, and sleep until 1 pm.  So, a fight might go down between Aunt Linda with Mom on her side and against Aunt Margaret.  If such a thing happens, chances are I will have video of it and I will post it here.

The reason all of this is mentioned because this Saturday is Grandma’s birthday.

St. Patrick’s Day.

WHAT A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!  I MEAN REALLY!  I’M IRISH! I SHOULD BE HAVING FUN!  BUT NO!

FUCKING MEN!  GOD DAMN BULLSHITTY MEN!!!

I HAVE TO DEAL WITH A 30 YEAR OLD THINKING EVERY TXT I SAY IS A FUCKING COLD DROP IN ANTARCTICA!  FUCK!  BITCHING BECAUSE I WOULDN’T FUCKING TALK TO HIM ABOUT SHIT OVER THE PHONE!  I ALREADY FUCKING TOLD HIM EVERYGODDAMNTHING THAT NEEDED TO BE SAID!  APPARENTLY FUCKING NOT SATISFACTORY ENOUGH!  I DON’T GIVE BLOW JOBS LIKE CANDY!  WHY DON’T PEOPLE GET THIS SHIT!?  FUCK ME FOR TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT!  APPARENTLY NO UNDERSTANDS WHAT TYPE OF PERSON I AM BECAUSE WE’RE ALL WHORES AROUND HERE NO MATTER WHAT!!

I GOT FUCKING ATTACKED BY A GOD DAMN HAWK!  I’VE HAD A HEADACHE ALL GOD DAMN DAY FROM IT AND A GOD DAMN WELT ON THE SIDE OF MY FUCKING HEAD FROM IT!  I COULD HAVE GOTTEN CLAWED TO SHIT AND HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL FOR ALL SORTS OF FUCKING SHOTS!

WE WENT OUT AND GOT CHINESE AT MY FAVORITE FUCKING PLACE WE HAVEN’T BEEN TO SINCE BEFORE CHRISTMAS!  I DIDN’T ENJOY IT BECAUSE I’VE BEEN PUKING IT UP FOR THE PAST HOUR!

I GOT NO GOD DAMN SLEEP SINCE 4 PM YESTERDAY!

I GOT STABBED IN THE LEG BY A FUCKING RUSTED SCREWDRIVER!  IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GOD DAMN WOODS!

I HAVE AN OLD CREEPY BLACK MAN CONSTANTLY DRIVING PAST MY HOUSE AND WAVING AT ME AS HE LICKS HIS LIPS!

YEAH!  AND I’M BEING THE COLD HEARTED NASTY BITCH!?

FUCK!  FUCK ME GOING OUT AND DOING ANY GOD DAMN THING!  FUCK THE WHOLE GOD DAMN MESS!  I FUCKING HATE TECHNOLOGY AND PEOPLE!

News

That happened today…

 

The good news…

Grandma got to come home today.  She’ll be fine!!!!  She just has to stick to a low salt diet.  Unfortunately she and my grandpa aren’t getting their prescriptions filled like they should be.

The bullshit…

That fat whalephant I call “Aunt Margaret” was going to fix hotdogs and ham for dinner.  Her 2 kids, Hanna (20) and CJ (12) were eating those Mary Calendar tv dinners.  Don’t get me wrong, we eat them sometimes, but not every fucking night.  She says she takes care of things around there.  That’s bullshit or else they would be taking their damn medication.

Both of my cousins think you’re mixing Arsenic, Strict Nine, and White Oleander in front of them to feed them if you give them veggies.  If I ever have to take care of those two, I’m smacking the shit out of them and forcing them to eat their damn veggies.

 

The bad news…

The fucking neighbors are driving me fucking nuts.  Their damn kids are walking through our yards with bbguns and their fucking yard is always full of drunk ass men so I can’t go and stalk this flock of blue jays I have been keeping tabs on for so long with my camera.  I’m fucking raging pissed.

More bad news….

When I got up this morning after sleeping for 15 hours, I felt like a bus accident victim.  I was relaxed but my body hurt.  When I got pissed off over the whole neighbor thing, my body tensed and stopped hurting.  That’s probably really bad.

 

Some fucking awesome news…

I got to talk to the cops tonight!!!  Apparently a car that fits the description of Mom's was being looked for for something bad.

As I was walking out of my house to go next door for some cinnamon toast, two cop cars pulled up in front of the houses.  The white cop came to talk to me.  I met him halfway and he asked my name on the way.  He didn’t hear it the first time and I had to repeat myself.  Before he asked my age, he would look me in the face and eyes.  When I answered him, he kept looking away all shy and nervous.

This mother fucker was a Norse God.  Let me tell you.  He was 5'6 with a muscular stature, a square jaw, lovely blue eyes that would twinkle in the light, and blonde slightly spiked hair.  He couldn’t have looked any older than 30.  His voice was smooth and soft.  I would have taken a hit of mace from this man and not given a shit.

Apparently I was believable with my truthfulness that they didn’t come and ask my parents anything or search around the houses.

The other cop was looking in Mom’s car with his flashlight and felt the hood.  Apparently that helped verify my truths and they left.  I wished them luck.  They watched me walk to my parents’ house and walk inside.

Grandma.

The post before this one states my grandmother is in the hospital.  She has a light touch of pneumonia and she had a respiratory attack which caused her to choke, turn blue, and pass out.  She is fine.  It wasn’t a stroke or a heart attack.  She apparently fought the nurses and the doctors.  She might stay a couple days so they know she will be ok to go home and to watch her health and stuff.

I was so scared.  I didn’t want to go back into the ER area and look at her.  I felt like passing out when I saw Grandpa sitting in the waiting room red-faced and teary eyed.  When my over dramatic drama queen aunt came and got everyone, we thought they were taking us into a different room from the non-family and telling us the most dreaded news possible.

Last I heard she’s in ICU and they are looking for her a room.

Kayla is spending the night with me because her mom is staying at the hospital with everyone too.  She didn’t want to stay alone.

GOD DAMN BULLSHIT!

I am gonna kick myself in the face.  Total fucking bullshit.

I could have went and met a guy at Wal-Mart tonight and kicked it there for a couple of fucking hours.  BUT NO.  Everyone went batshit crazy at the suggestion because it was midnight and my cousin's car is leaking water.  ITS A TOTAL OF 5 MIN AWAY!  SERIOUSLY!!

I COULD HAVE HAD REAL FOOD TOO!!

The last time I actually ate a good meal was yesterday at 10:30 am.  Since then it was eggs with cheese on them (which is making me feel shitty right now) and chips and soft drinks.

BUT NO! WE COULDN'T DO SHIT!

My parents are still at the hospital with my aunts because of Grandma.  Its almost 3 am.  She's going to be ok.  Kayla and I were at the hospital since about 5 something and we left it at midnight, hungry and depressed.

FUCK!  IS RELAXATION A THING OF THE PAST!?

I am apparently chaotic evil.

I took 2 tests about what alliance I would be.  They both said chaotic evil.  The 3rd was a quiz and it said I was chaotic good, which shouldn’t exist in the first place.  It makes me feel special and feeds my ego and turns me on for some extremely odd reason.

I love it.

I also took a zombie survival quiz.  I got B’s across the board and an F for emotional because I will leave people to die apparently.  It said I would survive, but I’d probably die first since the hospital is right up the road.

 

The first alliance quiz said this:

28% Good, 72% Chaotic.

Plane of Existence: The Abyss, "Plane of Infinite Layers". Notable Inhabitants: Demons.

Examples of Chaotic-Evils (Ethically Chaotic, Morally Evil)
Sephiroth (FFVII)
Jack The Ripper
Baron Vladamir Harkonnen
Blackbeard the Pirate
Cruella DeVille
Khan Noonian Singh
Dr. Evil
The Joker
Professor Moriarty
Lord Voldemort

Actively opposes law, order, good, and all other sissy constraints on doing whatever he or she feels like doing. The stereotypical chaotic evil [person] is the black knight, roaming around on his own, looking for something nasty to do.

Will not necessarily keep their word
Would attack an unarmed foe
Will use poisons
Will not help those in need
Prefers to work alone
Responds poorly to higher authority
Distrustful of organizations
Self-preservation and personal gain are their ultimate goals.
Less inclined to long term planning.

Chaotic Evil "Demonic"
"Destroyer"

A chaotic evil [person] does whatever his greed, hatred, and lust for destruction drive him to do. If he is simply out for whatever he can get, he is ruthless and brutal. If he is committed to the spread of evil and chaos, he is even worse. Fortunately, his plans are haphazard, and any groups he joins or forms are poorly organized. Typically, chaotic evil people can be made to work together only by force, and their leader lasts only as long as he can thwart attempts to topple or assassinate him.
These [people] will commit any act to further their own ends. Chaotic evil is sometimes called "demonic" because demons are the epitome of chaotic evil.
Chaotic evil is power without control, selfishness unfettered by any law.

Cookies…

I play a game where you can give people cookies.  Each cookie has a fortune in it.  Check out what mine says…

“You eat a cookie.  It says: You will be surprised by a loud noise.”  WHERE WAS THAT ABOUT 2 HOURS AGO!?

Real life Ghost story.

Lately we’ve been having warm days.  Today was another such case, we also had rain.  When the rain cools, we get lovely fog.  I adore it since I live in front of woods, its like being on the moors.  I enjoy the macabre and creepiness such places visually share.  Little did I know I would be about to find out what else the fog holds.

At about 3:20 am, I heard a weird scratching on my bedroom window.  I was sitting in my living room watching a movie in the dark.  I grabbed some scissors incase the person got in before I could reach my bat and my sword.  As I approached the bedroom, the noise got louder.  It was coming from directly beside my bed.

When my shadow cast across the window from a light I turned on in the living room, the noise stopped mid scratch.  I went for my phone and texted my father’s messenger, hesitant to call.  While I debated it, I opened the front door.  Pogo was standing out there fluffed up and scared.  He made hardly a sound and practically climbed up the storm door.

When I did call, Dad scolded me for holding back but he joined me outside.  We were going to look around the bedroom window for human foot prints.  Then we heard the scratching.  We followed it to the back yards.  We stopped and listened.

It was coming from across the creek.  The dogs my neighbors have usually bark at anything and everything that goes by, even me in my kitchen.  We kept hearing the scratching and listened to how long and drawn out it was.  Then we heard the thump and the dogs started barking.

Pogo was silent, abnormally silent.  I think he could tell we were both intrigued by the noise and yet fearful of what it could be.  The birds that are usually awake during the daylight hours were twittering away at an odd speed, as if something unnerved them or woke them from their nests.

Then in the darkness and grey fog, something ran into the woods.  It didn’t sound human.

The Doctor is out.

Fix your own god damn messes.  There are so many people that sit there and ask for help and when its given, THEY DON’T FUCKING LISTEN TO IT AND THEN THEY DO THE SAME GOD DAMN SHIT OVER AND OVER AND OVER.  I’m not sorry, ITS REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING.  THE DOCTOR FUCKING QUITS!  FIX YOUR OWN GOD DAMN SHIT!

Also, if the above does not apply to you, the following might…

STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE WHAT I TELL YOU ABOUT IN PRIVACY.  FUCK.

Hel.

Is such a fascinating creature.  For those of you unfamiliar with Norse mythology, she is the ruler of her name sake.  She’s cruel and mean considering she’s the daughter of Loki and a giantess…A something…  She receives a portion of the dead, the bad ones.

Oh her punishments were ill devised and gloriously crafted that even I envy her skill at torture and torment and cruelty.  If you were sent there, you probably deserved it anyway.

She is said to be half living and half dead.  The half living part is of a beautiful face, very captivating and alluring.  The dead side is said to have matted skin hanging from the bones and tort muscles rotting in the open.  But some lore have it described as being skeletal.  Or the upper half is living and the lower half is skeletal.

She has my respect and if I met her, it would be on friendly terms.  I would bring her pieces of shit people for a conversation.  She is undoubtedly my favorite Goddess of Norse mythology.  (Thor is my favorite God, followed by Loki in a close second.)

Its been a while, hasn’t it?

I’m going crazy or I’m already there or some other some such shit.

Something out there is throwing bullshit at me by the buckets and I keep getting hit.

I’ve sat here trying to figure out what’s wrong with people.  A person contacts another person.  Talks to them for about 4 hours and some odd minutes.  Then.  NOTHING.  Its like being raped in the face or something.

WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT SHIT!?  Whether its 4 hours or a few weeks!  After a while, NOTHING.  Even when the conversations are intellectual and passionate in the subject, it just SUDDENLY FUCKING STOPS.  I know people get busy, but its not even a “Sup.  Haven’t heard from you in a while.  Things are cool here.  What about you?” txt or message somewhere.  God!

Maybe its what’s wrong with me.  Maybe I’m too…blunt or tactless or something.

Also, I’m cleaning my house for people who don’t exist.  Yay.  Go me and my self pity.  I can’t even make coffee.  I put in too much milk so its coffee flavored milk.

Ah God damnit.

“Least I could do”

http://leasticoulddo.com/comic/20100102

And

http://leasticoulddo.com/comic/20091123

FUCKING FUNNY DUDE!

HOLY RUSTED METAL, BATMAN!

What the fuck is up with guys lately.  I mean for fucking real.  I don’t come off as a heinous bitch do I?  Don’t answer that.

What happened was…

I drove Dad to the comic store.  We got every week now so we get out of the house.  We get there and there’s a few guys in the place, nothing unusual.  I’m usually the only girl in there anyway.  Well, there’s this red headed guy, who I will now call Mr. Ginger from this point on, that I’ve seen in there a few times already.  He hangs around for a bit and has a convo with Dad and Jamie (the guy that works there).

I notice that on occasion he’ll look over at me.  I’m standing way out of the conversation zone and I keep staring at him too.  He has a southern drawl, but he seems to be very intelligent.  When they get to a genre of movies I watch, I join in.

He says that Rob Zombie’s House of a 1000 Corpses and Devil’s Rejects were great movies.  I stated "No.  They're a bunch of rednecks out in the middle of nowhere that kill people.  They did that with Texas Chainsaw."  He was like "It had Free Bird at the end of it! That makes it good!"  I said "No it doesn't.  It just means its a good enough song to survive over the decades."  Jamie said "That's a very valid and good argument."  Mr. Ginger seemed kind of shocked in a "Wow. I got told and it was polite. I commend you!"

He kept giving off an air about him.  Like he wanted to ask for my number, but Dad was standing around there and crap.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH GUYS!?  I MEAN SERIOUSLY!  IF YOU WANT A FUCKING NUMBER, ASK!  HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Findmucks.

Ever get to that point where you expect things to happen and when they do, you feel slightly bad, slightly awkward, and just nod your head and go to bed?

Yeah…  Totally feeling that way right now.  Its a total mind fuck when it happens.  Its like a surreal moment of floating in bliss and being shot with a double barrel shot gun at the same time, but you’re still alive with the euphoric feeling with exhilaration and the painful misery of crap…  Like that makes any sense but the feeling doesn’t!

Often I wonder what it would be like to be totally insane with drugs to keep you entirely out of the real world and just meandering along in your own little world.

Being replaced sucks.

Being used sucks.

But I saw it all coming.  :P  I’m use to being jerked around apparently.  Obviously too use to it that I’ve started to act like its a normal thing.  That speaks highly of my character and it also speaks highly of the company I keep.  I need to fix a lot of shit and crack some skulls.

Hurray!  Fuck.

Because Graylan said so again.

I WANT TO DO THIS, DAMNIT!

 

http://mypaperheroes.blogspot.com/

The pier.

Ever stand at the end of that short pier when you want to take the long walk?  You stop at the end and stare over the edge with just your heels holding you onto the wood.  You stare down and look at everything that made you feel that way in the ripples of the water…

Heartache from being used.

Worry of loss of people you hold dear.

Loss of a job and fear of finding another as soon as possible.

Constant arguments with close friends.

Anger from deceit.

Lies leaving you questioning everyone.

Feeling alone in a crowded room.

All of these are reasonable reactions to many different things in your life.  To not feel the slightest negativity from them would mean you were crazy and were eligible for a padded room (or you had amazing drugs already).  But if you felt too much from them and didn’t pick which of them was the more important to face, you will easily drown when you take that last step.

As you feel the water come up over your head, you debate as your lungs start to burn if you should thrash through the water to the surface or just sink into the black abyss below.  Ever think in your head that maybe, JUST MAYBE, you could wake up tomorrow and a miracle could happen?  Many strange instances have happened to make it possible that a lot of your problems could fix themselves for the better by the time you wake up in your bed the next morning.

But what if you allow yourself to sink and open your mouth for a gasp of oxygen and get a mouth of water instead?  Would it ever cross your mind that maybe you would be leaving behind those who love you?  Those people who would drop anything and everything to help you out, hold you up when you fall and catch you before you do?  Ever think that maybe giving up would be the worse thing to happen to you no matter what the other problems entail?  Maybe you should take a little more thought and start pushing with your legs against the water and climbing with your arms.

Maybe you didn’t that last step to get in over your head.  Maybe you took one back and turned around to face the most important of problems, the one that would affect you the most no matter the other’s you face.  The one that could have a horrible outcome and leave you aching all over in many different ways.  Do you deal?  Or do you turn back around?

These are the things that make us human.  These are things we all go through, whether one at a time or all at once.  One thing can be faced at a time or else you will easily walk off that pier.  Take a deep breath and keep a level head.  That’s about all you can do sometimes.

Now the question is, Do you turn around or do you take another step?

Because Graylan said so.

This makes me lol to no end.  Enjoy it.  I do.

 

http://www.ginandcomics.com/

Mr. S.

WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL HAPPENS TO MAKE A LOT OF THIS SHIT POSSIBLE IN REAL LIFE!?  I MEAN REALLY!

Ok.  Here’s the deal…

Earlier I told Pinks about my dreams lately, except for the one about having Liam’s baby.  Before I even got sick, I’d been having dreams that I could remember having a blonde guy in them.  His face was square jawed, his eyes would change colors like mine, his voice I couldn’t describe other than sounding like violins, and his sideburns were a darker color than his blonde hair.  It would be he and I in different eras in time and in different situations.

She stated that it would possibly be someone I am going to meet in the future or something.  I can’t remember everything.

Well, a couple hours after the conversation, I got a txt from Myspace saying I had a message from someone we have dubbed Mr. S for Mr. Suspicious.

I looked at the message on my inbox on myspace and was speachless.  It said:  “I wanna be your man, is this a possibility?”  I look closer at his myspace pic.  He has sandy blonde hair with darker facial hair and light colored eyes like mine.

(I go to txt Bill to tell him to get online to tell him about the whole thing and BAM!  He pops up!  Saved me the trouble. :P)

So I was intrigued by this and we conversed back and forth on myspace for about half an hour or an hour.  He’s…interesting.  I kind of hope he adds me as a friend and we can talk more.

I did find out he’s 30, well within my age range!  Lets see what happens.  Time to play cautious.