Badass

Is an awesome book!

I got it for Christmas from a dear dear friend and its just so fucking full of awesome!

Badass

GO THERE!  GET IT!  READ IT!

Like a bird in a cage…

Being poked and prodded by annoying little brats…

I found weed in my house tonight.  Or what I suspect as weed.  Not all of the scent from the peppermint tea smelled like peppermint.  There was a rather…horrible scent that wasn’t tobacco based either.  SO.  Next mother fucker to bring weed into my house will get my foot broke off in their asshole that will turn into their god damn mouth when I pull my fucking foot back out.

On top of that, this is my first blog since before Christmas and there is a lot to catch up on.  So…I’ll start with Christmas Eve.

 

Christmas Eve.

The party went ok.  It was over at my grandparents’ house.  I figured it would suck, but it didn’t.  A lot of weirdness did happen however…

My only uncle I will accept did something that he hasn’t done since I was 6.  He took his fist and tapped my chin and smiled like he just woke up from a coma or something.  It was strange.  It was like he remembered me being 6 all over again and was reminiscing.

My other aunt’s husband patted me lightly on the head and stated that he was proud of me.  Now this one, I don’t own up to because of a lot of reasons which I won’t get into.  It took me by surprise so I took it and stated “Thank you, that means a lot.” and smiled meaningfully at him.

After that, my cousin Kayla and I head out to chill.  We see Avatar (it was a badass movie, btw), and hang out with some guy she knows named Dakota.  Dakota’s a dick, but he’s funny at it.  It was a good time.

 

Christmas Day.

The first words out of my fucking mouth that morning were “Son of a bitch!”  My roof was drip dropping water for at least a half hour on a stack of comic books!  I feel bad, but I think Jesus would understand.  That’s what I woke up to, besides the awesome AWESOME MUCH APPRECIATED (seriously appreciated <3) “Merry Christmas!” txts from people.

I also had spiders in the cupboards where I keep my dishes I EAT OFF OF.

I got lots of books, some clothes, Dragon Age: Origins (and the female characters get laid!), and DVDs galore to keep my ass busy for a while.

 

Saturday, the Day after Christmas.

It went ok…Right up until I watched a bunch of little shits about 12 years old decide they were going to break glass bottles in the road in front of my house.  I watch them.  They get pissed.  I’m standing in my house imagining what it would be like to have a paintball gun to shoot the little cunts and not give a damn.  They started cussing me and I started cussing back.  I was still inside my house.  One little shit bucked at me and flipped me off so I almost broke down the door getting out of it and went down my steps.  They picked up pace.  They moved faster when I pulled out my cell and called Dad.  Dad came out and they mouthed off to him.  Needless to say, the little cunts probably know better now.

Also, I got a txt from Angel.  I saw her mom, Doodle (Mary is her real name), at my grandparents.  She was bringing them presents.  She and I are…were…still are…what have you, good friends.  She was stoked to see me!  So I don’t know if she’s got any idea what all has gone on.  But the txt from Angel said that (and this is a guilt trip) “You probably still hate me, and don’t want to talk to me, but I was wondering how you were doing because Mom said she saw you on X-mas eve.”  I deleted the shit.  I didn’t respond.  Fuck that noise.

 

Sunday.

My bro and sis in law come to town!  Its a good thing!  But Karen’s sister drove them down on her way to Savannah, GA.  Their mom wouldn’t let them leave early enough.  Its about 4 hours from here to where they were coming from and another 4 to Savannah.

 

Monday.

I take them out driving and show them what all has changed on this end of town.  I have a deep conversation with them both away from our parents.  We all decided its upsetting to see how our parents are becoming so scared and paranoid of the world that they hardly go out into it.  Mom’s started to freak out over every little thing.  She gets pissed a lot more often too.

 

Tuesday!

Was Dad’s birthday.  He had a decent one.  It started off ok, but gradually got better.  They don’t like getting older, I don’t blame them.  Not one bit.

 

Tonight.

I come home.  I’m tired.  I decide to decorate my room a bit.  I am walking around in and out of the hallway looking for certain things to put in certain spots and I step on a piece of glass.  I haven’t dropped anything made of clear glass so I don’t know wtf it came from!  I’m probably going to get an infection!  I put triple antibiotic on it.  I’ll clean it out more thoroughly later.  I put a Band-Aid on it and continue what I was doing.

Shortly after, I find a little green tin that says peppermint tea on it.  I open it up and there’s an overpowering smell of something that you never forget once you’ve smelled it.  Its called weed, pot, refer, mary jane, marijuana, etc.  I got pissed and flushed it down the god damn toilet.

I am so fucking tired of this shit.  I haven’t seen these people in months AND THEY WON’T FUCK OFF!

For instance.  This is rather god damn weird.  After the txt from Angel, I figured something was going on.  I put it out of my mind because its the holidays and a lot of shit would be going on.  Well.  I got a friend request from Olivia’s boyfriend!!!! Jailhouse Jodi wants to be my myspace buddy!  He sent a message with it saying: “hey olivias not friends with angel anymore and she told me to add you and i rememberedd how cool you were too :)”  To which I responded with: “What? What? What? What?  Also to be fair and honest with you since you and I never had any beef (and I thought you were cool too)...  I don't really trust anyone. So don't take it offensively if I don't believe it at first because of piles and piles of bullshit freely flung willy nilly in the air.  What happened, if you don't mind me asking?”  So we’ll see.

The last god damn shit Olivia said to me was fucking harsh and bullshitty and I want to kick her god damn Shrek looking fat fucking face into her god damn fat ass and light it on fire.  I won’t have this god damn shit.  I’ll find out what I want to and I already stated I don’t trust people so.  Fuck em if they get pissed.  Fuck em good.  If they call saying “WEEEED!”  I’m going to call the Cops and say “GET YOUR ASSES OVER TO THIS ADDRESS BECAUSE I MIGHT MURDER A WHORE OR TWO!”  Then get over there as fast as fuck and beat the shit out of em and wait for the cops already laying down on the ground with my hands behind my back.  I won’t have be having this shit.

In all honesty, I smell a big fucking giant soaking wet foaming at the mouth rat.  I think that they want to know the link to this blog to find out wtf I’m doing or something because I took my blog off showing stuff on my main page and that’s mostly when a lot of this shit started.  Its all a pile of bullshit as stated above.  I don’t trust any god damn body but a handful of people.  Maybe.

When will they get the idea that I don’t want shit to do with any of them?  Why won’t they fuck off?  Is it popular to be friends with older people or something?  For a bunch of dumbasses that want to be treated like adults, they sure as fuck act like needy infantile brats.

Cigarettes.

I want one so bad.  Not fiending for it, but I need it to relax.  Sadly I’m badly allergic to them and cigars.  Weed is just out of the question.

There’s a certain issue that’s driving me bat-shit crazy.  I’d go more into detail, but I don’t know who reads my blog and if said person finds out about any of this, I’ll go lay down in the middle of Lake Michigan in the middle of January.

I can’t get him out of my head and its making me sick.  The first couple of times things popped into my head I got sick.  Like bad sick.  I feel that if I took up smoking, I would feel better and not care.  Bullshit.  I’d get lung cancer from my first puff.

Maybe I should be a nun.  Then I can swear and get kicked out of the sisterhood of penguindom.  As many times as I have taken God’s name in vane over the past 4 days, I’ll probably burst into flames as soon as I step inside the church.

God damnit.

“Jane:/Room”

A friend of mine, Pinks as you all know her, has her own blog.  I read her newest entry and it made my eyes all watery and tingly.  (You can find it here: http://liltingknit.blogspot.com/)

She knows me so well and its an honor to know her like that.  Pinks is a caring person, she feels everything.  When I have a problem, something funny to tell, or I see something specific, I automatically think of her.  I have other close friends I think of like that, but none as much as her.  She’s always there when you need a shoulder and seeing her hurt is heart breaking.  If I had my own sister, she would be my little sister.  She’s very intuitive.  For such a small package of awesome, she’s got a large pair of brass, she doesn’t see it though.  Pinks will find out eventually, she will be in a moment where she will have to take the initiative and step right up.

That’s one thing I admire about her.  When you mess up, she’ll tell you in the most polite way and when you realize it, she’ll giggle from the funny reaction.  She helps keep me grounded and I appreciate that.

Now I’m going to shower and start my day and probably pirate a song or two.  I hope all your days started off as good as mine.  :)  Good day.

Yesterday sucked.

It started at about 5 or 5:30 am when I had a dream about someone I NEVER WANTED TO HAVE A DREAM ABOUT LIKE THIS.  It was very adult themed and I woke up screaming and flailing and I fell out of bed because of it.  It was not a good kind of scream or a good kind of flailing.  I’d have much rather dreamed Freddy Krueger was chasing me, but then again that’s a good dream for me.

From there, every time I tried to sleep I was rather frightened to close my eyes so I just stayed awake.  Around noon, I went and took a shower.  For some ungodly reason, I had a flashback to his face from a previous situation and I threw up in the bathtub.  The expression stayed with me the entire day and its still there.  I see it when I close my eyes and it takes all the power in the world to keep me from puking.

After sleep deprivation and boredom set in, I go next door for Sunday dinner.  We watch a movie and eat and then we decide to go out.  We hit up Wal-Mart and the stores around it and have fun.  As we are in one of the stores, I start getting bitched out via txt and my night is just shit all over with no remorse from the other person.  (To which, I would like to thank because it just dragged down my entire fucking night.  I really enjoy being bitched at for my own actions.  :D  Thank you!)

After a couple hours, shit calms down.  As we are leaving Wally World, this guy with electric blue hair and corn rows (which they didn’t look bad on him) sees me.  I see him.  We make eye contact.  I have in my neon extensions.  As my parents and I are approaching the door, he slows down to talk to me and to wait on this very much older woman he is with.  He keeps looking back at me.  I can’t help but smile.  As I walk past, he compliments my hair and I compliment his.  Dad shoves me out the fucking exit and I don’t get a name, much less time to compliment him back.

Pissed me off.  He was about my age, had nice manners, good hygiene, had all of his teeth and they were pearly white, dressed well.  God damnit.  I feel like crying.  I got no name, no number.  He got no name, no number.

Thanks everyone who gave me shit and made yesterday seem so wonderful.

But non-sarcastically thank you to those who checked up on me.  LOL  That was entertaining from the txts and the call.

Liar and a coward.

Never, once, have I been called a liar and a coward for telling the truth.  Never.  I’m pissed.  I’m hurt.  And he can fight his own god damn battles from now on.  I’m so tired of doing things and wonder if they’re going to hurt him or her.  Its not my fault you’ve done some things and its not my fault you take everything like a stab in the back.  Stop acting like it is.

WTF, God?

WTF.  Why do you hate me so?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH

Thrift store “What The Fuck?!”’s

My parents decided to go out today.  I went with them.  We went to a thrift store.  Holy fucking shit.  The following pictures are from the store.

    

 

 

 

 

It looks like someone’s ash urn! WTF?!

I didn’t want to touch it.  Dad jokingly said there were ashes in there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  This just screams “BITCH! WUR IZ MY MUNIE?!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What in the bloody hell?

He was sitting on a shelf, mkay, hidden by a bottle that had flowers in it.  Now I know why.  I can’t tell if he’s naked or if that’s just a jacked up Chef’s outfit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ITS A FUCKING MULLET WIG!  MY LIFE IS COMPLETE! HOLY SHIT!

 

 

 

 

 

 

These are from the Good Will….

 

 

 

 

 

Duh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing screams “Here, Bobby, read some books! You have Curious George, Diago, AND BOOKS FUCKING COVERED IN BLOOD!”

They were all lined up in the middle of all these kid books.

 

 

 

 

 

At the thrift store, the cashier was talking about how they had a Christmas party and all the food was gone and all that was left was a lot of liquor.

Now we know what happened to the liquor…Santa and Frosty.  AA, NUKKAS! AA!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scrooge McPenguin!  He looks pissed to be 2-D.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later at the grocery store, after I watched 5 rednecks all walk into the automatic doors that refused to open…

 

 

 

 

 

I just thought this was awesome.

A night with the Opera.

I love Operas, but I could never see one in person.  I need subtitles like nobody’s business.

Tonight is another sleepless night so I decided to play Morrowind.  When I got tired of just hearing my character’s feet tramping over the terrain, I turned on PBS.  PBS is something I would probably die without (other than the internet).

Tonight was Great Performances.  This episode was Tosca.  I unfortunately came in at Act 3 so I can’t tell you much.  I do recommend it for those that do enjoy the arts.

The act begins with Tosca’s love, Cavaradossi, awaiting execution that morning.  A boy is singing in Roman dialect in the background as the soldiers inspect their guns for the execution.  There’s an exchange between the jailor and Cavaradossi.  The jailor walks off stage and Tosca enters.  She tells him he’s free and there will be a mock execution and for him not to get up until she tells him to, but he has to make it look convincing when he falls.

The gunmen enter and line up with Cavaradossi against the wall.  Tosca stands in the back in a black gown and watches.  They fire.  He falls.  They walk away.  Tosca goes to get him up, but the mock execution was a real execution.  She is there crying over her body when someone else enters and tells of what she did to Scarpia, the villain.

Before Act 3, Tosca had an exchange with Scarpia and wound up killing him to save them both.  They come to get her and they chase her.  She runs up the castle steps with the soldiers close behind her.  She yells that she and Scarpia will meet before God and jumps off the side of the castle to her death.

How unfair it is to have something like eternal love and happiness for the rest of your life but to have it taken away from you by force.  Having to make a choice that stands at 50/50 that you will be dead shortly after to save the one you love would probably be the hardest ever.  I guess when that love is already dead and gone, its easier for you to just end your own in hopes of meeting again in the next life.

That fucker.

You see that fucker down there?  The one on that video?  The blonde bastard with the girly coat.  Yeah.  Him.  I want his god damn coat.  Fucker.

Why are people so God damn fucking stupid?

It seems that more and more people have to learn things the hard way.  I know I do, but sometimes I actually try to avoid them.  But some of the stuff that I do does not compare to the utter idiocy of a lot of people.

Let me give you an example…

Dating a God damn whore.  An annoying controlling fucking bitchy nasty whore.

WHY?!  I know love is blind, BUT BLIND PEOPLE CAN STILL FEEL AND SMELL AND – AND – AND STUFF!  Its more like convenience to me.  You don’t do something like this out of convenience.  It fucks shit up real bad in a lot of ways.

Or…

I’m going to do drugs because its so fucking socially awesome!  Fuck that and fuck you.

OR!

I’m going to steal shit and get pissed off because I lost my cash cow!

ORRRR!

I’M GOING TO GO 90 MPH ON THE GOD DAMN INTERSTATE AND RUN FOR THE GOD DAMN POLICE BECAUSE I’M A GOD DAMN FUCKING IDIOT!  AND I’M GOING TO DIE AND MY FAMILY IS GOING TO BE PISSED AT THE COPS BECAUSE MY GOD DAMN ASS RAN!

ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I’M GOING TO WAIT UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE GOD DAMN MINUTE AND FUCK SHIT UP FOR EVERYONE BECAUSE I’M A GOD DAMN BITCHY ASS CUNT!

And I’m done.

It won’t leave.

Get it the Hell out of my head.

 

What a day Saturday was.

With only 20 min of sleep, I got up and went with Mom and Aunt Linda Christmas shopping for 3 of my cousins.  I was apparently helpful and good company because Mom bought me this hat for Christmas without any rude remark like she usually gives.

We’re out until about 11 am and Linda is going to babysit another cousin’s 3 kids; a 3 year old step-son, a 1 year old and 9 month old (that might both be his.  The jury is still out.)  I offer my services.

When the kids roll in, my cousin’s truck tires are peeling off in layers.  Its one thing if its him, but he had 3 little kids and his little brother in the truck.  5 people in a truck and 3 of them in various car seats.  He gets pissed when my uncle kind of bitches at him about it.  I would have.  I also would have given him more attitude if he got his daddy to call to inquire what was going on.  I know everyone’s poor, but people have tires laying around that aren’t dry rotting.

Also, none of the children had on coats.  We go to a parade at about 2:30 pm.  The 9 month old and 1 year old have on fleece jackets.  The 3 year old has on the equivalent of a wind breaker.  The 9 month old got to stay in her carrier and got a fleece blanket draped over her.  The 1 year old was going between Linda’s big son and herself and they both produce large amounts of body heat.  The 3 year old was running around after candy.  When I noticed his face was turning purple and his nose was starting to run, I took off my coat and draped it around him.  I stood there in my cotton hoodie.  Now I’m sick.  I’m going to punch their parents in their dicks.

If you have kids, make them – FORCE THEM – to wear coats.  Even if they start crying and throw fits.  MAKE THEM WEAR THE GOD DAMN COAT.

Management serves what fucking purpose?

In this economy, especially around here in a mill town, hardly anyone has a job.  The mills have all moved to different countries and more people are losing jobs.

One year when this all hit, Freightliner fired a bunch of people.  My brother was working for the local newspaper when that happened and he had obituary duty.  A lot of suicides came in.  They never published it because it could cause a chain reaction.  It partially did.  The numbers were pretty high.

Today, my father lost his job.  He got laid off.  His managers at his plant got together and worked out a plan.  After Christmas or the beginning of the year, they were going to make people cut back 8 hours a week so everyone could keep jobs and before Christmas, they were going to make people cut back 4 hours.

In Seattle, their plant just laid off a bunch of people.  Up there, they have a constant rotation of people coming in and leaving.  Down here, people stay there.  Dad would have been at this place 16 years in May.  The asshole management in Seattle bitched and moan about it all and forced their hand and a bunch of people got laid off.  Dad’s boss cried when he told him.

Dad and Mom don’t hold a grudge because after the first of the year, Dad was going to be moved to a different place and in all honesty, the plant has been a good place to work.  We’ve always been poor, too.  The only reason we have everything we have is because Mom knows how to budget.

I hold grudges, I hold grudges for a long time and I don’t see what the fuck is wrong with a bunch people doing their jobs to keep their employees.  God damn dick grabbers.  I’m rather fucking pissed about the whole deal.  I’m also worried.  There are no jobs, but Dad has more experience than I am.

Just because one thing works for one place doesn’t mean its the right thing for another place.  Seattle is more populated.  Gastonia is not.  Thanks, assholes.  I hope you all have a bad Christmas because right now, I feel like Ebenezer Scrooge.  At least I’m not a child anymore.  I don’t really need presents.

Maybe when I go out with Dad when he goes to put in for unemployment, I can learn a few things.

 

This isn’t the only place with cunts for management.  Wal-Mart down here has a bunch of managers that walk around and make the cashiers cry WHILE THEY ARE CHECKING PEOPLE OUT.  This one short, bald bastard looks like a goblin from Oblivion and I want to kick his face in.  Last I checked, it is not their job to make the employees sob while they are trying to do their jobs.

They also bitch at people who are stocking because there’s still unpacked stock in the aisles.  Customers come up and ask where things are.  Sometimes the employees have to go show them where it is or sometimes they go to the back to get what it is the person wants.  The managers get pissed.  They also expect part time to do fulltime job and bitch about it when they don’t get every single damn thing finished.  The reason I’m bringing this up is because Aunt Barbara works there.  She stocks in Dairy.  Every god damn manager there is a piece of shit with sticks in their asses.  That is not how you run things.  If someone is doing their job, you act cool to them and polite.  If they’re dicking around, then yeah.  I can understand being a rabid troll hell bent on ripping someone’s head off.

Fuck management.

I have no idea wtf I’m doing!

I’m 24 years old and I am just now going to wear eye shadow FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.

I DON’T KNOW WTF TO DO WITH EM!  I am getting the brushes and stuff that I need for Christmas.  Mom agreed after I told her my plan and she was like, “Don’t ask me what to do with it.  I’ve never been able to wear eye shadow because it makes me break out,” but she helped me find the colors I was looking for that we could find.  Eye allergies run rampant in the family.  My brother can’t wear contacts because of the solution, every solution. 

My eye colorS are grey, hazel, green, and blue of various shades.  I have these colors:

 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!  Now what? I experiment, but I think I might have to wait until Christmas.  Son of a bitch.  -.-  I hate waiting.

And another nail is found in the tuna…

My parents and I were at Books.  We were having a fun time.  We went to leave.

There is this nasty, skank, piece of shit, fucking nasty ass whore named Rachael.  Rachael is an STD queen.  She’s dated and screwed a few people I know and changed them for the worse.  She and I had a run in a few times and she should know by now that if she lays one god damn hand on me, I’m ripping her arm off and kicking her until she’s dead.

Well.  She was there.

I hear from over my shoulder FROM HER FUCKING DICK SUCKING MOUTH, “Ew.  Her hair looks nasty!”

Shortly after my fists ball, I hear a voice I know as my friend whom can’t speak with me anymore because of her, say “Don’t touch her!  No!  Don’t touch her!”  and shortly after that one, I hear another recognizable voice from one of her exes say that I was off limits.  2 guys out there warned her.  A total of 4 guys out there know what I am capable of.  I wasn’t alone.

After I told Mom about it, she offered to knock her ass down and kick the shit out of her.  She said there were two of us.  When she offered to go back, I told her that Rachael had gone inside shortly after, presumably to hide like the little chicken shit she is.

Later on, Mom stated, “I would have let you kick her a few times, but you would have held my purse.”

I promised that I would not touch the STD queen unless, UNLESS, she touched me first.  She said, “That’s right.  I taught you better than to street fight.”

What a day.

Someone put fried bleach blonde hair in my black fingernail polish, a brand new bottle only used once.  I had to throw it out.  I can take many guesses as to who it was.  But its ok…  My mom told my aunt to beware since their being dumbasses and my cousin’s the same age as them and getting buff.  So it will just be a little time before either all Hell breaks loose because family who are friends with them don’t believe it OR they find themselves isolated because of it and their reps ruined for all this bullshit.

Nasty skanks.  I put a curse on them for all of this.  I hope they’re miserable for the rest of their lives.  This in turn will probably bounce back on me, but I was already miserable.

My nutcracker…

That can fit balls and nuts into his mouth.  Look out guys! >)  As Pinks says, “BDSM anyone?”

 

Dear diary…

Its me Jane.  Today I realized just how dead sexy Lord Sheogorath of Shivering Isles really is…

 

Gaston from Beauty and The Beast.

(03:34:00) Kostchtchie: But. But. He has badass decorating skills.

(03:34:06) Kostchtchie: EVERYTHING HAS ANTLERS!!

(03:34:11) Kostchtchie: NIGGA LOVES ANTLERS!

(03:34:19) Kostchtchie: AND THEY'RE ALL ERECTED POINTS!

(03:34:26) Kostchtchie: ARE YOU SEEING WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS!?

 

Yeah.  I said the n word and meant nothing racist by it.

Goth and punk fashions…

Are done extremely wrong in a lot of cases these days.

Not being goth nor punk, you probably won’t take me credibly.

Pinks and I watched some “How to Dress” whatever videos on youtube.  What the fuck are some of these people thinking?  “You don’t want to look like a clown.”  I hate to tell them this, BUT IN A LOT OF CASES THEY DO!

The videos came from two different sets of girls from Cali.  One group had an obsession with lace.  The other group had an obsession with safety pins.

I know that in both sub cultures, lace and safety pins have their place.  However, that is not the entirety of the sub cultures.

Goth is dramatic.  Its dark colors; dark reds, blues purples, different shades of grays, etc.  It lives up to its name.  Dark, and sometimes morbid.  There’s satins, silks, velvets, polyesters, ruffles, straps.  It all depends on what type you’re going for, Victorian or Romantic etc.  Its its own mentality and lifestyle.

Punk has its own dramatics.  Its angry.  Its forceful.  Its a lot of DIY.  Its very characteristic.  Safety pins help in a lot of ways, BUT IT IS NOT THE ENTIRE GOD DAMN THING!  You’ve got flannels,  denim, leathers, torn tights, slashed shirts, slashed jeans.  Its not about tightness or looseness as long as it looks good.  If you want to look like a cheap hooker that’s been on her knees one too many times, go for it.  If you want to look like Wal-Mart’s Easter aisle raped your hair, GO FOR IT.

New punk is not like the old punk.  Sadly the old punk has died out.  Not many “punk” brats now know what CBGB’s is.  Most of them don’t even know who The Ramones are.  Most don’t even know where half their emblems come from.  I’ve seen punk kids wear Misfits stuff and not know where the skull came from.  I do. Its based off the poster for The Crimson Ghost.

I hate these brats that are like “So leik I am this! AND THIS! OMG!” and go way over the top.

Note: PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! IF YOU ARE GOING TO WEAR SOMETHING, KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IT IS AND MEANS!  The Kanji for “peace” is not punk.  A Geisha is more than just an interesting design.  Pull your head out of your fat ass and pay attention.  Just because you dress one way doesn’t mean you are what you say.

Oh how glorious this feeling is…

I have been sick for the past few days, its gradually getting worse but I think I am at the climax of whatever the damn bug is I have picked up.

When you’re laying awake because you’re coughing and your body hurts, you have time to think.  While thinking about certain things, you have glorious revelations.  There is nothing like feeling like you were ran over by a VW bus and having a little smugness tug you along like a big dog you can’t control.

The feeling is being right.  Being right about a lot of things and knowing the fact that someone hopefully is suffering in misery with the damn shit she made.  Its the equivalent of getting into a fight and beating someone’s face in or leaving some nasty bitch speechless with your witty remarks containing no swears.

Or you could relate it to knowing more about literature in a literary debate with someone who comes off as intelligent, but just fakes it to be on a high and mighty horse.

 

God.  I love it. I am wallowing in this gloriousness that is whatever you want to call it.  The word escapes me, but its like a drug.

What do you?

When you have the wonderful feeling of helplessness?  All you can do is sit and wait. 

Sit and wait.  It sounds easy, but its not.  You watch things unfold and unravel and you wonder what is going on. 

You just…  I don’t know.  You sit there with the chains holding you back but no matter what you can do, you can’t stop it.  You can’t reach out and tell the person things will be ok.

All you can do is let them know you’ll be there when they turn around and need an ear.

I guess that’s sometimes the best thing you can do.

Fleet Foxes

The animation is gorgeous as is the song.  Its so relaxing.

Read at your own discretion. It is not a pretty post.

Beyond this sentence, I cannot stop you.  This was a dream I had last night.

In the dream…

I was chained in irons to the center of this house.  I had barely enough chain to make it to all the rooms.  Inside each room was filth, except for the one my bed was in.  I could not smell anything, but I could hear and feel everything.

Animals ran around everywhere,  apparently they were unable to leave also.  One room I remember very vividly.  This one room messed up the rest of my day and makes me want to cry just thinking about it.

This room was full of cats and filth.  There were dead kittens of various ages everywhere.  A lot were freshly dead and some had been dead long before I was there.  Some were maggot infested and others weren’t dead yet as the flies consumed them.

One cat had maggots in an open wound and I could see raw muscle flexing and rippling as it crawled across the floor.  Other cats were being killed by the bigger needier ones.

One cat stood out the most.  This one was a kitten of a couple months old.  It was moving and making weird noises on it’s side.  Ants were eating it alive.  No matter what I did to reach out to it to help, it was just out of arm’s reach.  I couldn’t help any of those cats.  I couldn’t put them out of their misery.

I sat back and sobbed.  Then I woke up feeling awful.  Every time I closed my eyes, I could see the image of that kitten.  My cat got double the cat food today and more pets and hugs.

I told a friend about this dream.  He gave me good advice.

Lemme go emo on you guys for a bit…

What makes it someone’s business to come and question another person’s actions when there was no legitimate physical harm done?  Believe you me, I wanted to fucking beat the life out of bitch.

What happened was…

I got a txt from Angel earlier.  She gave me an apology.  The apology still doesn’t feel like a real one to me.  I’ve let it stand as is.  I have the txt still on my phone.

BUT!

I was getting txts from Myspace and while I was on there sending messages, her brother popped up.  I’ve known John for years now.  For some reason the fat cunt decided to bother me about shit.  I made it clear that I was still pretty pissed.  I don’t give a god damn what the fuck Angel is doing.  Its none of my business no do I want to know.

So, I get monologued.  How lovely is that!?  Turns out the fucker had been drinking and was wanting to know why I would cut off friendships.  Hm.  Let me think.  BEING A BITCH, A LIAR, AND A BACKSTABBER FOR 4 MONTHS CLEARLY GIVES WAY TO STILL BEING FRIENDS!  WOW.  No one told me that in school!

They can all go fuck themselves and go to Hell and stay there.

I owe no one answers.  I don’t owe anyone anything.

One reason I hate people.

I got into a verbal fight with some woman at Khol's because the whore took a shirt I had my hand on.  She just ganked it off the hanger.

She kept trying to read my txt messages.

I told her politely that if she didn't step off that I was going to force a few hangers down her Mexican half breed throat.  And I ended the sentence in "Que?"

Now, I’m not normally like this.  I have no idea why I am lately.  Its like every little thing sets me off.

I’ve been going to bed earlier, around 10:30pm and getting up before 9:30am.  I’ve felt ill, but that’s starting to go away the more I voice my loathing, which could get me killed in these parts.

That’s the first time I’ve been racist in public and also the first time I’ve threatened publically to kill someone in public.

I should get a psychiatrist or something to follow me around when I go to places.  Someone will be rich by the end of it all, or in prison.

This site is badass.

http://www.blackphoenixtradingpost.com/naughtynice2009.html

GO TO IT!  READ IT!  LOVE IT!  OR ELSE THEY WILL SEND THESE AFTER YOU!!!

 

(I got that from the website, I do not claim to own it.)

Who needs a man!?

Not me!  I just snaked out my bathroom sink with a coat hanger! Now it drains at a normal pace!  SHOVE THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!

How bad God hates.

Last night I had some of the worst dreams possible.  I guess you would call them nightmares.

 

What happened was…

In the first dream, I was kissing a man.  He had a beard.  His arms were warm in the dream and I liked being there.  When he pulled away, it was my first ex.  I woke up screaming and covered in sweat and cried for a while.  I hate him.  He won’t go away.  Someone I know across the street is friends with him.  Its a burden I can’t get rid of.  We’ve been broken up for over a year.

Mom says to let people under your skin like that is to give them power over you.  She’s right, but I don’t know what to do about it.

 

The second dream…

I was standing at my kitchen sink washing dishes when I got a call on my cell.  I didn’t recognize the number.  Normally when I don’t recognize it, I let it go.  However, I answered this time.  It was my 2nd ex.  He wanted to get back together.  One of the things I fear happened.  I got back together with him.  I woke up and went and threw up.  My skin was cold and I was shaking uncontrollably.  I wanted to throw myself in front of a bus.

I went back to sleep after an hour.

 

The third dream wasn’t any better.

When I finally went back to sleep, I dreamed I married a man.  He moved into my house, the one I have now.  It was set up exactly the same… Almost.  All my things were taken down and boxed up.  I was moved into the pirate room, but I could not sleep on the spare bed.  I slept on the floor on a warm blanket and a pillow, I was only allowed one blanket.  He moved into my bed in the front room and moved his stuff in and scattered it around.  He took over my computer and my closet and my space.  He never once touched me because he was busy with easy whores and drunken buddies.  I cooked.  I cleaned.  I sewed.  I became what I feared most: weak, pathetic woman.  Then I woke up.

I sat there with my knees up to my chest and my face buried in a pillow.  I screamed bloody murder into it and cried some more.  Eventually I passed out.

 

The fourth dream.

I met a man that ran a store and I hung out with him, eventually dated him.  He tried to auction me off to some sort of monster.  I found myself locked in the basement of this flooded building.  I couldn’t escape since every exit was blocked with debris.  When the monster showed up, it attacked right away.  I fought back and I broke its neck.  I severed its head and I stomped it flat.  Then I went after the guy.  I slit his throat and left him to bleed out in the basement.

The relevance of this one is the monster.  It was a mix of the 4 pieces of shit rolled into one.  No matter what the meanings of the dream were, I woke up feeling extremely ill.  I have no idea what to do.

The first thing after clocking into reality…

I woke up at 7:30 am, really pissed for some reason.  I started cleaning knives for a while. HOW MESSED IS THAT?!

Anyways.  After that, I am checking Farmville.  Facebook can suck a nut.  Seriously.

Also, I had more dreams where I was breaking someone’s face.  This person I knew and this person really pissed me off with her “I MUST GET IT BEFORE SHE DOES!” attitude.  She’s an ex best friend that won’t keep her god damn mouth shut about things that aren’t her business to tell.  This is her picture!

 

 

Her face nicely crushed in the end.  She bragged to me once after the first time I saw her in about 2 years that she was thinner than me.  She said it was because she gave up eating meat because she got sick.  She later stated that she had an eating disorder.  I laughed in secret.  Should have laughed in her face.

 

 

 

NOW FOR SOMETHING THAT ISN’T A SCARY MONSTER!

 

This made me laugh nonstop:

The Prisoner

Is a mini-series on TV.  A few years back, a lot of years back actually, it was a TV series.  It was suppose to be a mini also, but they decided to make it a continuing story for the television.

Well, the new one that is out now is rather really fucked up.  It keeps you guessing and in the end, if you think to literally, you don’t get a damn thing.  However, there’s little hints.  Extremely weird little hints, but they’re there.  You just have to look.

I do recommend people to watch it.  Its rather good and interesting.  Its a good mind fuck.

One thing is certain, its hard to see Jim Caviezel without feeling weird because he played Jesus.  (Thanks, Mom, for pointing that out.  Her words were: “Its hard to see him and think of Jesus. JESUS WAS SEXY!”  Then we talked about if “Lucy”’s breasts were real or not, and they’re real.  Anyways.)



(I’m going back to feeling like crap and reading in bed.  I’ve been feeling under the weather hence the lack of entries.)

For Pinks who has been there through the “OMG! JIM!!! <3<3<3<3!!!” txts:

Wow…I almost pissed myself laughing…

So I guess that means I won’t get a werewolf.  Fuck.  >(

Her facial expressions are classic.

For those who follow…

I am tired of the same old shit happening all the fucking time.

Straight edge…

If I hear one more idiot claim to be one, I might show them a sharp, straight edge.

Its everywhere!  People claim to be one.  I know you either are or you aren’t, but they see smoking the occasional cig as harmless or the occasional shot as meaningless.

I hate to break it to you, fuckers, but ANY TIME YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE PUFF A SMOKE, SHOOT SOME LIQUOR, OR SMOKE SOME WEED, YOUR ASS IS STUPID AND YOU ARE NOT STRAIGHT EDGE!

I am not straight edge, I drink on occasion.  So fuck off you little bastards and crack a damn cultural encyclopedia.

 

From Wikipedia:  “Straight Edge refers to a lifestyle and youth movement that started within the hardcore punk subculture whose adherents make a lifetime commitment to refrain from drinking alcohol, using tobacco products, and taking any recreational drugs. The term was coined by the 1980s hardcore punk band Minor Threat in the song "Straight Edge".”

 

If you still swear you’re straight edge and you still drink or smoke or do drugs sociably, YOU SHOULD BE DRAGGED BEHIND A BUS FOR BEING SO STUPID.  You probably think you’re an adult too.  Its ok.  I’m not mature either, but I’m not a brain damaged idiot.

Pogo.

With mention of Pogo on that video I just posted, I might as well show you people my four-legged friend.

  Is how he looked this time last year…

  Is what helooks like now.  That’s me, btw.

In that pic, he climbed up my pants leg and then my back.  He wanted my camera lens cap.

Tropical Storm Ida

The bitch road in and for 3 days, nothing but rain.

The sky was awful with low clouds that were pink.

The wind was awful and kept knocking out power.

Well, TODAY THERE WAS BLUE SKY!  But it didn’t last long.  This was taken at about 5:30 pm.

Laurence Fishburne

Is a damn bad ass.

SO! What could make him more bad ass?

Really awesome shades…

And a shotgun…

On a dirt bike…

Chasing a perp…

AND NOT A SINGLE SPECK OF DUST ON HIS ATTIRE!

God I wish I could find a picture of that awesomeness.

Dammit.

She is now my partner in crime

What I said was:

"I wonder if I can poke my brain doing this...."

And what she said was:

"Are you sure you want to find out?"

And the outcome was:

No.  I cannot touch my brain.

Pinky pinky puddin’ pie

Now. What she said was:

"Jane, you've got some mustard, like, right there."

I had just eaten a sandwich.  To which I said…

"Hang on, I'll get it."

Time to visit the psychiatrist I guess.

Lately I’ve been having dreams.  Dreams where I kill people in the most horrible ways imaginable.  I wake up and I feel refreshed and morbidly happy about it.

Not only am I killing them, but these are people I know and hate and loathe and want to smear across the asphalt like cheese on a grater.

The dreams are very vivid, too.  I can feel the blood, smell the blood, smell the decay, hear the screams of agony, feel their muscles under my hands as I hold them down, feel them scratch against my skin when I attack, feel the weight of their bodies, etc.  Its crazy and it intrigues me, but it slightly scares me.

Hurray for being driven insane! \o/

Ovens that can do two things at once.

I hate that god damn commercial.  Those nasally little girls are annoying as Hell.  Their mom isn’t much better.  She’s stupid as fuck and should be hit with a bus.  Those little girls should take speech therapy.

“We can do two things at once.”  GOD DAMNIT GO AWAY!

Neverwinter Nights 2 is a bastard.

I got all the way to the main boss.

Then I realized that the last time I played this game, THE CUNT DIDN’T SPAWN!  THE CUNT STILL DIDN’T SPAWN!  Now that I’ve updated, I GET TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN TO SEE IF IT SPAWNS!  It probably won’t.  So this is twice now.  Thanks you cock blocking bastards Atari, BioWare, Obsidian, etc.!

On myspace and facebook, I put 5 hours.  I had been playing since 8:30 pm Sunday night until about 5 minutes ago.

Also.  I forgot.  I stayed up all night and I forgot wtf I was going to say.  Oh well.  Its 7:20 am Monday morning.  Time for me to get 5 hours of sleep and get up and do nothing and wash clothes and do nothing and sit on my ass doing nothing and maybe MAAAAYBE beat NWN2 FOR THE FIRST BLOODY DAMN TIME EVER.  Jesus.  I’ve had this game since it came out.  Pfft.

Dog House

Its a movie from the UK.  I highly recommend it.  It made me laugh so hard and it could possibly be the biggest nightmare of just about every man.

Here’s the link!

http://www.wisevid.com/view_video.php?viewkey=41y77tbe2vg5lee80808#

You know your life conveniently sucks when…

You buy a 3 pack of panties for a dollar a piece.  To some people that’s like “Eh.”  But to me, a poor sad sack, its like “HALLELUJAH!  NEW UNDIES!”  I also got boy shorts and some tanks.

Also, yesterday I was cleaning my mirror off with some bleach spray to get up dry erase marker residue.  I have dolphins hanging on a nail to cover it up and off the fell!  The tail broke off and landed in the floor.  The bodies landed on the bleach spray that fell into the sink and as they bounced, they hit the nozzle.  Right in my face.  I’m fine.  I can see.  My hair is not patchy.

Also, I got some argyle socks.  I am ecstatic for some unknown reason.  Now I match Bill and his “arrrrrgyle” (<—Private joke.)

Also, while we were out.  There was this group of black people.  A middle aged woman, a guy about my age, and a little girl.  The guy screamed out “MY MOMMA’S A BITCH!”  I was like “Whoa!”

I also got into a verbal fight started by little Goth kids in chains and studs and Nickelback T-shirts… I mean seriously!  I got kicked out of Wal-Mart for harassment.  I just walked into the other entrance and met up with my parents.  Nobody touched me.

What I said to them was:  Your parents would be proud that their waste of flesh of children are picking fights with someone who could be crazier than they are.  For all you know I could rip your chains off and strangle you to death with them and then defecate on your corpse.

To which they replied:  Your a stuck up bitch!  Get out of here before we beat you up!  FUCK YOU!  YOU WHORE!

To which I replied:  To be a whore would mean I would be easy.  I am covered up and although some of the clothing is tight, my flat chest isn’t hanging out of a cropped shirt I made myself out of the worship of the worse band a live.  If I were them and I saw you wearing my merchandise, I would go kill myself.  Maybe you’re the reason they suck as a group.  Ever think of just no leaving your house?  I would take that idea up.  October’s past.  Now you’re just an ugly beast.

To which they replied:  I’m getting a manager!  Call a manager!  You’re lucky or else I would fuck you up!  How dare you talk to my girl that way!

To which I replied:  Do it.  Also, having that as a girlfriend is a crime against nature.  People get arrested for that.  Bestiality is illegal for a reason.

Manager is paged, so are the cops.  I am escorted out one exit and they are escorted out the other.  On the way I get a lecture and asked for ID.  I tell them I don’t have it.  They take my “name” and tell me not to come back.  I however return to the other exit after making my way across the parking lot like I’m leaving.  Yeah.  Fuck people.

The thievery continues!

I had $50 Christmas money.  I bought my sister in law something and had $40 left.  Well, there’s $30 left in the envelope.  Where there had once been 2 $10’s and 1 $20, there is now 1 $10 and 1 $20.  I’m going to get my pound of flesh and my gallon of blood.  They better watch their backs.

Liars and thieves

Angel and Olivia came into my home and ripped me off. I am missing 6 DVD’s, 2 band patches, 4 bracelets (one was Quincy’s collar who has long since passed), a necklace, 2 skull rings, a vampire book, my spider clip that I MADE, some other hairclips, and a couple skulls.  Filbert and Randall are missing.  Yes, I name them.

If I ever see them in public, I am going to rape their faces with my fist and smear their mangled flesh across the asphalt screaming every single malignant word I can into their ears.  A pox and a curse on them both.

They also raped from me my faith and trust in people.  I feel used and it was right under my nose.  I feel sorry for anyone else who crosses my path in the future.  Every word they could say to me would be questioned.  Right now, actions speak louder than words.  Good luck if this happens to any of you.

 

God damn twats.  I hope they fall into ruin fast.  They won’t get away with this.

Alone by Edgar Allan Poe

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

 

The words haunt me.

Chocolate and Popcorn

Is so damn good.



MMMMM!  Looks like poop, tastes like heaven!

The book.

When you borrow something from someone, return it intact without shit spilled and smeared all over it.

This is my book:

 

I want to punch that bitch in the face.  She’s such a disrespecting cunt.

Riders of the Storm: The Legend of Skull and Talon

Wow, what a dumb cunt.

So as you all know, I requested my shit back.  I only got my book and the wrist cuff, which is fine.  Those are the main things I wanted back besides the purse.  I also just realized that when I got up this morning, I put on Olivia’s $40 dipped neck black hoodie.  I guess we’re even because she’s been looking for it and I’ve been sporting it a lot better than she had.

Well.  I went outside at about 3:30pm.  I had heard a couple noises and I never say anything when I looked out so I didn’t expect to find my stuff.  I did get it, however.

In North Carolina, its really hot and really humid in the summer so when it gets cold, a lot of crawling insects want inside the house.  They find it easier to go under the doors.  I have laundry detergent sprinkled in a line in front of my door to deter the little buggars.  The dumb bitch, being Angel or Olivia, threw my stuff in said detergent.

I really hope Angel and Dillon date and he fucks her, gets her pregnant and screws her over.  Looks like he got one more shot at me and it hit dead center.

I am certain I am getting called a lot of names, probably nothing as colorful and creative as the ones I’ve been calling them.  They need to learn they’re not immortal.  They need to learn they’re not playing little girl games.  They’re playing adult games and they dislike the outcome.  How stupid can you get, I mean seriously.

Angel bitches at her mom for being a parent.  I hope her mom gets enough and slaps the shit out of her and kicks Olivia out on her ass.  There’s a lot coming to them, I hope it hits them hard.

Its time to grow up, ladies.  I’m not the immature bitch headed to ruin.

(When I find it, I will show you people my horoscope for the day from our daily newspaper.  It made me snicker.)

Stickam again.

This is too funny…

The guy:



Icebreaker66: u got somethin to say
Icebreaker66: say it here
kostchtchie: I am saying it. OMFG. Are you illiterate?
kostchtchie: You are a swine, a piece of crap, a worthless waste of oxygen.
Icebreaker66: just cuz u want me
kostchtchie: You come on stickam and bitch at people.
kostchtchie: In their rooms.
Icebreaker66: you don't gotta put on a front for your friend
kostchtchie: I don't want you for sex. I want you for shark chum.
Icebreaker66: you want me to cum on your glasses dont u
Icebreaker66: skank
kostchtchie: Fucking retard.
kostchtchie: Go find your mom and rape her.
Icebreaker66: yea right
Icebreaker66: keep lying to yourself
Icebreaker66: i can tell that look in your eyes
kostchtchie: I would rather castrate myself with a piano wire.
Icebreaker66: u want me to blow a load on your glasses
kostchtchie: I want you to blow your brains out with a shotgun.
Icebreaker66: i can tell
Icebreaker66: u skank
Icebreaker66: nope
Icebreaker66: you look horny for my massive dick
Icebreaker66: u dont gotta lie
kostchtchie: Yeah. That's it. Your massive 1.5 inch dick. Yeah.
kostchtchie: It won't even get me off I bet.
Icebreaker66: bull
Icebreaker66: its way bigger then that
Icebreaker66: skank
kostchtchie: I doubt it.
kostchtchie: I bet its smaller.
kostchtchie: Is it cold there? I bet it is. Turn your heat on. Might get another millimeter.
Icebreaker66: why do you keep copy and pasting my shit
kostchtchie: Because I can!
kostchtchie: Are you done yet?
Icebreaker66: no
kostchtchie: Because this is probably like fucking you.
Icebreaker66: you cant
kostchtchie: Long and boring and no climax at all.
Icebreaker66: we are talkin in private
Icebreaker66: that means its private
Icebreaker66: no i know i could make you cum
Icebreaker66: thats  a fact
kostchtchie: I doubt you could.
kostchtchie: I really do.
Icebreaker66: trust me
kostchtchie: I doubt you could make yourself cum.
Icebreaker66: i could easily make you cum
kostchtchie: I seriously fucking doubt it.
Icebreaker66: youd be begging me for more
kostchtchie: I would know. Its my body. Its not attracted to you.
kostchtchie: Infact, my cunt just sealed itself up like a timelock at a bank.
Icebreaker66: attraction isnt the issue
kostchtchie: No. I'd be begging for a phone to dial 911 for rape.
kostchtchie: It is with me.
Icebreaker66: if you felt my hugeness in you
Icebreaker66: youd be beggin for more
kostchtchie: I don't give a fuck about your god damn dick.
kostchtchie: Why don't you take it in hand and get the fuck off the internet before you break it.
Icebreaker66: dont lie to yourself
Icebreaker66: jane
kostchtchie: Don't use that name.
kostchtchie: I don't know you.
kostchtchie: Stalker! STALKER!
Icebreaker66: why
Icebreaker66: i know u want me
kostchtchie: I want you dead and gone.
Icebreaker66: naw
Icebreaker66: you want me to beat it up
Icebreaker66: dont lie
kostchtchie: I want you to beat yourself in the face with a hammer.

Icebreaker66: a hammer?
kostchtchie: Yes. Preferably the clawed end.
kostchtchie: You'll die faster.
Icebreaker66: hmm
Icebreaker66: like
kostchtchie: Cheese grater your erect dick.
Icebreaker66: am i freezing
Icebreaker66: jane
kostchtchie: I entirely missed it.
Icebreaker66: jane
kostchtchie: Or I just didn't see the microsmallness.
kostchtchie: STOP. FUCKING. USING. MY. GOD. DAMN. NAME.
kostchtchie: ARE. YOU. FUCKING. STUPID?
kostchtchie: Ballpean. Now hit yourself.
kostchtchie: IN THE HEAD.
Icebreaker66: nope
kostchtchie: Damn. GOt my hopes up, probably like sex with you!
Icebreaker66: i know u want me
kostchtchie: I want you to die.

Icebreaker66: you should let me holler at u
Icebreaker66: you can lie to your friend
Icebreaker66: and pretend to be mad at me
kostchtchie: I should let you think you're "hollering" at me.
Icebreaker66: but i know u want me secretly
Icebreaker66: dont lie
kostchtchie: I don't secretly want you. I OBVIOUSLY WANT YOU TO DIE.

Icebreaker66: why
Icebreaker66: if we both have the hots for eachother whats the issue then
kostchtchie: Because you are an annoying, stupid, illiterate, tactless dumb piece of shit.
kostchtchie: I have the hots for watching you die.
kostchtchie: Sorry. My body is actually trying to devour itself to get away from you.

Icebreaker66: you should blow me a kiss
kostchtchie: I should blow you away with a gun.

Icebreaker66: blow me a kiss baby
kostchtchie: Go fuck yourself.
kostchtchie: With the hammer.
kostchtchie: In your urethra.

Icebreaker66: i know u want me
kostchtchie: I want you dead.

Icebreaker66: too bad it isnt going to happen
kostchtchie: Neither is what you want or wish or hope.

Icebreaker66: you got a man or what
kostchtchie: No, I'm a frigid bitch with a shotgun, a rifle, a pistol, and a collection of knives. Who needs a man!?

Icebreaker66: u gotta man?
kostchtchie: I SAID NO. OMFG.

Icebreaker66: you shouldnt be so bitter
kostchtchie: I can't help it. My best friend chose a relationship with my ex over our friendship. He left me for her and weed. SO.

Icebreaker66: if you truly dont want me to hit on you just say so
kostchtchie: Hasn't it been rather obvious that I don't want you hitting on me?

Icebreaker66: well
Icebreaker66: i dont know
Icebreaker66: has it
kostchtchie: I wished you dead, told you to die, and told you to hit yourself in the head with a hammer.
kostchtchie: WHAT ISN'T OBVIOUS ABOUT THAT?

Icebreaker66: i understand if you arent ready for a reationship
Icebreaker66: but if you need a man to talk to about your romance life trust me
Icebreaker66: i am there for you
kostchtchie: I'll never be ready for a relationship, muchless one with a guy who automatically things I want his dick in my cunt.
Icebreaker66: i undersand it might be hard for you right now... but i am there for you if you need to vent babe
kostchtchie: Mkay.

Icebreaker66: well men that use females are horrible
Icebreaker66: i would hate to think that some guys assume you automatically want to sleep with them
Icebreaker66: that is just unacceptable
kostchtchie: Are you bipolar or do you have multiple personality syndrome? I am not falling for this.

Icebreaker66: falling for what
kostchtchie: Your sudden change in personality.

Icebreaker66: it wasnt meant for you to fall for
Icebreaker66: i was being truthful
kostchtchie: Its an entire personality change.
kostchtchie: If you didn't walk around like you had your dick in your hand all day and nothing in your head, you might be more successful.

Icebreaker66: if you knew my real life you'd know tha tsuccessful wasn't an option, no matter how hard i could try
Icebreaker66: but you don't
Icebreaker66: hence the personality change
Icebreaker66: copy and paste all you want to your friend, but what i said is what i meant
kostchtchie: Be yourself. Not everyone is a skank or a whore or a dick sucking cumguzzler.

Icebreaker66: the problem
Icebreaker66: is that you think im putting on a front
Icebreaker66: jsut because you have trust issues with your real life friends
Icebreaker66: doesn't mean you have to have trust issues with me
Icebreaker66: you aint neer had a friend likeme
kostchtchie: So you naturally are a that stupid to think I am all hot and flustered for you?
Icebreaker66: and i bet that if you did, yo uwouldnt want it any other way
kostchtchie: Wow. Totally Aladdin Genie moment.
kostchtchie: Lemme guess, a fuck buddy?

Icebreaker66: no
Icebreaker66: if you guessed properly
Icebreaker66: youd realize that i enjoy talking shit
kostchtchie: Then don't play this "cry wolf" bullshit.
Icebreaker66: apparently
Icebreaker66: you just take stuff too seriously
kostchtchie: Its 6:49 am. I come in here and you're talking shit to my girl. WHAT THE FUCK ELSE AM I SUPPOSE TO DO? Sit around holding my dick going HURRHURR?

kostchtchie: You won't win this.
kostchtchie: So you should just stop.
kostchtchie: Sorry.
Icebreaker66: its not a competition
Icebreaker66: if you dont want me hollering at you
Icebreaker66: just say so
Icebreaker66: your friend obviously has a boyfriend
Icebreaker66: you dont
Icebreaker66: why else would i be talking to you
kostchtchie: I don't want you "hollering" at me.
Icebreaker66: cuz i know you need a man like me
kostchtchie: I don't need a man.

Icebreaker66: you need some guidance
Icebreaker66: from a man
kostchtchie: I don't need shit.
Icebreaker66: like me
Icebreaker66: you dont need it
Icebreaker66: but you want it
kostchtchie: And I don't want it.
Icebreaker66: and i can provide you with that
Icebreaker66: if you let me
kostchtchie: So can a vibrator.

Icebreaker66: if you are having problems
Icebreaker66: i am there for you
kostchtchie: My problems are solved as of today.

Icebreaker66: not verbally
Icebreaker66: i can easily look past you
kostchtchie: I have no problems physically.
Icebreaker66: obviously you have a lot going on
Icebreaker66: mentally
kostchtchie: ITS CALLED HOMOCIDAL TENDENCIES.

Icebreaker66: if you cant share them
kostchtchie: Are you don yet?
Icebreaker66: just say so
kostchtchie: No you're not. God damnit.

kostchtchie: Now are you done?
Icebreaker66: done what
kostchtchie: Talking to me.

Icebreaker66: am i done looking at your pretty face? no
kostchtchie: Let me to hack it off real quick.

kostchtchie: I do not want you. I do not need you. I am done talking to you. Go away.
Icebreaker66: i just been waiting for your cute ass to smile
Icebreaker66: havent got one yet
kostchtchie: I am fucking tired. I am fucking stressed out. I really want to fucking kill someone. A SMILE FROM ME WOULD BE THE LAST THING ON MY MIND.
kostchtchie: Also, I do not do requests.
kostchtchie: I'm not a DJ.

Icebreaker66: well i do requests
Icebreaker66: and
kostchtchie: I don't partake in them.
Icebreaker66: i know what your request is
kostchtchie: No you don't.
kostchtchie: Well. My request is for you to go away.
kostchtchie: But I bet its not what you think.
kostchtchie: Right?
Icebreaker66: yea, its for me to go away
kostchtchie: Then please do it.

Icebreaker66: ok i will
kostchtchie: Thank you.
Icebreaker66: hope stuff works out for you
Icebreaker66: peace
kostchtchie: You to.
kostchtchie: Bye.

WHAT THE FUDGE!?

Wow. Just…Wow.

Wow.  Ok.  So.  I got a reply from my message asking for my shit back.

1) Olivia was under the misapprehension that I gave Angel that purse.  I did not, but I put a curse on it.

2) Angel was a fucking retard by letting Olivia dictate for her.

3) Olivia was a diseased cunt while dictating.

4) They can both suck my non-existent dick!

5) THEY ARE FUCKING STUCK WITH EACH OTHER!

6) He can have her stupid ass.

 

Over a year ago, Olivia spewed nothing but lies, NOTHING BUT LIES!!!!!! at Angel.  Angel did the “big” thing by talking to her again.  A day later, Olivia moves in with Angel and her family.  Olivia has been the ever since.  She’s not keeping her room clean.  She’s an opportunist and an enabler.  Angel doesn’t like her, BUT NOW THEY’RE STUCK WITH EACH OTHER.

Also, I should be able to go get my license soon!  All Dad has to do is talk to the insurance people and BAM!  I can go get my license so I won’t be stuck at home all the time.

Remember, when you befriend an 18 year old, beware.  Not all of them are bad, just some get that feeling of “I AM IMMORTAL!”  You’re “immortal” until you fall on your ass in your own shit that you made.

Also, the replies!:

 

Me (the first message):

Olivia, you have a yin-yang purse you made off with a year ago, I want it back. I was patient about it. I won't ever see the person who got it for me again. I never gave you permission to use it.

Angel, I want my book, Skull and Talon, back. I want my cuff bracelet too. That book is signed and probably a once in a lifetime deal. You keep that 6 bucks you owe me. You also have a wallet chain from months ago.

If I don't get these things back, I'll let you know how much you owe me.

You have until Saturday. If no one answers the door, leave everything in the door. I'm tired of it. Secrecy and lies are not a friendship. You've both changed. After the first time you lied to me, I should have guessed it wouldn't stop. The fact you act like its a personal hit is selfish, like I need any of this too?

Maybe in the future we can be friends again, but right now being alone seems like a better idea.

 

Angel (apparently through Olivia):

first of all u have NO RIGHT what so ever to be mad at me. Or angel for that matter. it was all Dillon asking u that. not us. angel doesn't even want to date Dillon. all i did was get a message. how can i prevent that? plus u gave that purse to angel and she let me barrow it so yeah. and for the record angel told Dillon not to do that but he did anyways. what, we are suppose to be able to control other peoples actions? you preach so much about being mature about things when ur being FAR from it. u could have just said, if it bothered u so much, that u don't want him to date angel. that would have been the MATURE way about it. angel didn't want any of this to happen because she thought ur friendship was worth more than some guy but to u apparently it isn't. I'm not gonna sit back and let u say all this. its not right. there was no lying or any PLOTTING against u. but u believe what u want. i don't have ur bag. i don't have half of my possessions and i cant get them back. but like i said u gave the purse to angel. angel said don't come to her house, she will leave it at yours. and just so u know i"m not apologizing. i have no reason to.  (I love how it just entirely went right over their heads why I was pissed!  It wasn’t the fact they were talking to Dillon.  IT WAS THE FACT THEY FUCKING LIED ABOUT IT.  TO MY FACE!  SEVERAL TIMES!  The twats don’t realize I wanted him out of my life because of how badly he hurt me.  Really hurt me.  I’m still getting over it and it was in July!)

 

Me:

I don't want an apology. I just want my stuff. If you don't have the bag, fine. I have asked her time and time again not to talk to Dillon. She could have just as easily told him to leave her alone. I even made mention to him to leave her alone.

I made no mention of feeling a plot against me. I just thought something was up.

Also, I have no way to get to her house. She need not worry about me acting crazy like that.

 

Angel through Olivia again (or Olivia…Hard to tell stupid from stupid):

It's really not right to give your friend and ultimatum like that. Dillon has done nothing to her to make her hate him. She only wants to be friends with him. I don't see why thats such a bad thing. She didn't tell him to like her or make him like her. The reason she didn't tell u she was talking to him because she knew you would handle it this way. But they were only EVER talking to each other as friends. But Angel says if it makes you happy she will stop being friends with Dillon for no apparent reason but she will to make you happy. And she says don't be talking to her brother and telling him all this stuff.  (I asked her repeatedly not to talk to him out of respect for me so she lies about it.  He left me for her.  It looks really fucking bad on both of them, especially now.  They deserve each other.)

 

Me:

I haven't said anything to her brother. Its none of his business.

 

Olivia:

i was just telling u what she told me

 

(I wonder which cunt it was typing that 2nd reply from them.  The way of typing entirely changed.  Oh well!  I also believe she’s going to tell lies about the whole thing too and she doesn’t want them found out.  Oh well.  Once a diseased cunt, always a diseased cunt apparently.)

(nameless)

Ok.  I need to collect myself first.

I.  Um.  I broke off my friendship with Angel and Olivia just now.  I have never felt so sick before in my life.  Its like a redwood tree is laying across my body.

I told them I wanted my stuff back.  That the things were important to me and that they have until Saturday.

I feel like I am going to have some of the most horrible trust issues with people from here on out.  Its a repetitive ordeal.

My internet friends tell me that the trust issues will last for a while, but not forever.  I honestly hope they do.  I am tired of going through this.

It hurts when you get your heart broken, even more so when its from people you let in too deep to forget.

I might take a couple days to myself, but I will be back.  I’ll more than likely get bored.  Who knows.  If they bring my stuff back, I will be amazed.  If not, I’ll cross that road if it happens.

Maybe some of my stress will go away, maybe its just started.

Silence is pissing me off.

My goodness.  Apparently the repercussions of someone’s mistakes is more than she can take.  Aw…her widdle wife is just so awful…  Fucking bitch.  If she had listened in the first place, NONE OF THE WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.  If you would pull your fat head from your fat ass, MAYBE YOU WOULD LEARN SOMETHING.  LIKE NOT CHOOSING DICK OVER YOUR FRIEND.

Obviously I haven’t heard from either of them.  Must be nice to be a dumb twat and throw a good friendship in the shitter and then mope about it like it wasn’t your fault.  Yeah…

Yesterday, someone called my parents’ house while I just happened to be there.  It was a female voice.  The stories they told me, under the assumption I was my mother, would have made her disconnect my internet feed I am leaching from their house and put me under house arrest.  Needless to say, when I find the little twat, I’m shoving a hot poker in theirs and piercing it through their heart.  It was neither Olivia nor Angel.

Anyways…

My mom got a wisdom tooth pulled.  She’s on heavy drugs for it.  I was invited to a bonfire this weekend.  I know 3 people who will more than likely be there I DO NOT WANT TO SEE.  I know what would happen, I would push them into the fire and watch them scream as they burn alive.  Manslaughter charges.  Gotta love the law.  But my cousin, who is throwing this shindig, has an aunt that believes that it was her fault for me not going. When I was serious about staying home incase Mom needed something and she can’t drive.  I hate people.  I really do.

Oh my god.  It gets better!  I have either a bladder or kidney infection.  I keep having to go urinate every 10 minutes.  I’m drinking water, but probably not as much as I should.  My lower back hurts and from all the stress of the beginning of the week, my upper body hurts.  It gets really stiff at night and wakes me up when I move.

Last night I passed out at about 11 and slept until 11:59 the next day.

Now I started a whinefest.  HOW AWESOME!  But to break it up…  Some good did happen today.

I went to Wal-Mart (Wally World) to check out the Halloween stuff.  I got a black pumpkin with orange interior for $1.50.  I have dubbed him Finley.  I got some 50 cent cat ears and a little pumpkin bowl too.  Yay!  Good things have happened! \o/ (<—Lift your arms up irl.)

Close ups! NO!

I decided to see what I would look like with piercings.  I wouldn’t look bad, but what I did isn’t for everyone’s tastes.  I will leave it up to you lovelies to voice your opinions:

(They’re all fake!)

Change of pace.

I am just short of throwing myself onto an extremely sharp piece of metal so that it will pierce my thigh and hopefully it will rip out and rip the muscle with it.  Maybe I could get a huge chunk of leg to come off and I can file for disability.  There are no damn jobs here, regardless of what someone says.  You don’t live around here.  You don’t know what its like.  I’m just short of sucking cock and throwing myself at dick.

Talk about a stab in the back…

On Friday, we went to the drive in, Angel, Olivia and myself.  Before the movies started, Angel looked at me and was like “What if Dillon (my 2nd ex that left me for weed) wanted to be friends again?”  I responded with “I’m tired of giving second chances.  Its not going to happen.”  It struck me as odd at the time, but I let it go.

Tonight!, just before I got in the shower, I got a txt from Myspace saying that “dillon.” wants to be my friend.  Take a big guess as to it was!  He wanted to be my friend and talk to me about something.  Since I can, I am going to post what was said!  I am also going to post what I said to Angel after.  I hope she’s pissed and she’s crying.  I know that might sound harsh, but when you read things, you can probably understand why…

Me:

What is it you want to talk to me about?

Dillon:

haha...damn, didn't even accept my friend request.
but seriously, i'm unsure as to whether or not you're aware of the fact that i have feelings for Angel.
i'm hoping that we can maintain a civil veneer...but how do you feel about that?

Me:

I know you have feelings for Angel, its rather obvious. Give things you have said in the past, why even bother talking to me at all? You made it clear months ago you no longer wanted to be friends. This secretive bullshit is unfair all around. Do what you want, you already do.

Dillon:

why worry about the past?
i've changed quite a bit since we dated.
i really feel like i've found myself...so any perspective you may have had about me beforehand has more than likely changed.
i know i said that i didn't want to be friends...but that's changed.
i don't want us to not be friends...because there's no reason for it.
i was asking how you feel out of respect for you, because i wouldn't want to put a strain on your friendship.
i know that it would make things a bit uncomfortable, but it's nothing one can't adapt to.
if it makes her happy, then it's really not a major ordeal.
but i can see that no matter what i do, you're still going to be bitter towards me...even now, when i make a peace offering.
i'm sorry it turned out this way...and i know it's solely my fault that it's like this.

Me:

If she dates you, that shows what kind of friend she is. I didn't even know you two were talking like that.

And worry about the past? I feel used, Dillon. I really do. I can't help it and it probably won't go away.

It is big of you to try to make a peace offering, but I don't think I can do it. Sorry. I'm badly hurt and now I'm even more hurt.

Dillon:

how do you feel used?
i was honest with you when our relationship ended.
i needed to figure things out and i finally have.
but what's more important?
things that sucked in the past, or your friend's happiness?
i really don't know what else to say other than i'm sorry i hurt you...but i still don't understand how you could feel used.

Me:

You dated me while you had feelings for Angel, Dillon. I was even told you dated me in hopes to get over her. How can someone not feel used upon hearing that?

Dillon:

whoa, whoa, whoa....who in the hell said that?
my feelings for Angel developed after you and i had been broken up for quite some time.
how could i date you to get over feelings for her when i chose to date you well after i had met Angel?

Me:

I don't remember, to be honest, but I remember hearing it. It hurt worse than being hit by a car.  (It was Angel that told me this.  She said that he had said it.)

Dillon:

i know you probably don't trust me at all...but i swear on my uncle's grave that i never said anything of the sort.
i can understand how you'd be bitter, if that's how you thought it was.
i would never EVER use you to get over feelings for someone else.
i can demonstrate the excessive bullshit in the thought that i would do that.
if i had feelings for Angel to begin with...wouldn't it have been much simpler for me to have never pursued a relationship with you in the first place and concentrate on Angel?

Me:

Its happened before.

Dillon:

how so?
Jane, i am so sorry that you feel that way.
i wish i could show you how terribly wrong that is...but it's really up to you.
the thing is, Angel's so shy that i couldn't develop feelings for her from the moment i met her or anything.
you know as well as i do that she's not the most extroverted person.
so how could i have feelings for her and date you in order to overcome aforementioned feelings?
i knew very little about her until after you and i had ended our relationship.
i feel horrible that you think i'd do something like that to you and it physically angers me that someone would spew such unfounded bullshit.
i'm so sorry that you feel like that...i sincerely am.
all i can do is continually apologize and hope that you'll see that that is the furthest thing from the truth.

Me:

You have caused me more trouble than you can imagine. I can't fathom where to begin. So taking someone's word over actions is rather complicated.

Dillon:

umm...that didn't really answer anything, but okay.
i'm not gonna bother you anymore and this the last you'll ever hear from me.
it's entirely up to you whether or not you and i have any kind of friendship after all of this.
but just know that i am always open to reconciling things with you no matter what.
again, i sincerely apologize and i hope you see the truth.

Me:

I know that didn't answer anything, but frankly, I don't know who or what to believe anymore. I wish you had never started talking to her. That doesn't help your case at all and it doesn't help make me believe you. You know YOU KNOW that it would hurt me and it would make you look really bad. It still does. It makes her look bad too. Just leave me alone. Stay out of my life, please. I've shed more tears over you than I have my dead pets. Just please disappear outta my life. Please, I'm begging you.

Dillon:

you got it.
goodbye forever.
i'm sorry things had to be this way.

Me:

Thank you and I'm sorry too.

 

Now.  Here’s the thing.  Olivia and Angel told me they weren’t talking to him.  BIG LIE!  I sent Angel a txt after the first couple of messages…

Me:

If you date him…

Angel:

What?

Me:

Dillon is asking me permission to date you.  Asking me if we can be friends for your happiness.  Is there anything you haven’t told me?  Please tell me if there is.

Angel:

I dont know i just found he was talking to you because hes been sending olivia messages i really dnt need this shit after being dumped on by jeff  (Big fucking tear.  I fucking warned her A WHOLE SHIT LOAD OF TIMES HE WAS A WORTHLESS CUNT.  AND THE FACT SHE SAID SHE DIDN’T NEED THIS?!  FUCKING SELFISH TWAT.)

Me:

Yeah. Be warned then.

Me:

That explains that question you asked me at the drive in.

Angel:

No, That was not it.  I had asked that because i talked to him one night and i told him that he should try to be ur friend because of the dick way yall broke up.  (I don’t need favors.I was doing fine!  I was fixing my shit that he left nearly destroyed.  Seems like she said this shit to cover her own ass.)

Angel:

I was trying to help you because i know u really liked him and now i look like a dick (Yeah.  Really?  Yah fucking think so?!)

Me:

Yeah, but he had a hidden reason apparently.

Angel:

Me:

I’m not pissed at you or Olivia for the record.  I’m pissed about the whole situation.  It all kind of came out of no where for me.  Just please, all of you, stop talking to him.  Its apparently more trouble than its worth because I feel like throwing myself naked in the river.  (Later I did get pissed because I realized a few things.)

Then I got no messages.  On Myspace, I sent her a message saying I felt betrayed by her and Olivia.  Like a god damn cry baby, she posted this as her status:

Now I'm the asshole and all I wanted was an asshole who cant seem to pull his head out of his ass long enough to get air. Goddamn it

Mood:whatever

 

Yeah.  Her life is totally over.  Maybe my mistake is befriending a 19 year old.  Then I decided to be nice and write an explanation:

This is why I feel betrayed.

You lied to me once about talking to Dillon. I begged you many times to not talk to him. You still did. You could have ignored his messages and such. Then you tell me you're not talking to him anymore. Then you tell me that you told him that he needs to make amends for what he did. He did it to get brownie points with you. I was fine not talking to him again. I appreciate the gesture, but someone shouldn't be made to apologize.

When you asked me what if Dillon wanted to be friends again, you had told me you weren't talking to him long before that. You also answered with "Oh nothing." when I asked you why. Neither of you told me that he was talking to Olivia about dating you and how I would feel about it. You all know how I would feel about it.

I just don't know who or what to believe because you have become so secretive about everything. I don't feel like you trust me anymore or you fear how I will react. I told him to disappear from my life. If he still talks to you, PLEASE FOR THE LAST TIME, DON'T TALK TO HIM! Please. I'm begging you. Please.

He said he was worried about it putting strain on our friendship. It has. It has put a lot there. I just didn't say anything because you're don't need any extra baggage. But maybe I should have and a lot of this would have been avoided.

I'm hurt and I'm crying. I don't how to fix it. I just felt I owed you an explanation of some sort. Don't lie to me anymore.

 

Now her status says:

It's not worth it.

Mood:whatever

 

I’m not saying shit to any of them for the next few days.  If she talks to me before then, I’ll figure out what to do.  If I hear nothing after a week, so be it.  If I send something after a couple days and no response, fuck her.  Fuck em both.  I’ll figure something out.