Late last night or early this morning, I realized what I need to do. I decided to break my own heart. I figured that if it gets broken anyway, I’d already be there so nothing would change. Or. If something good happened, I would be surprised by life for once. Don't get me wrong, these feelings I have are still there, but they're caged and probably about to be put down within the next week for good. So don't worry, I won't find myself in any situations I shouldn't be in.
Either direction it decides to take, I’ve already confronted the fact that nothing is going to happen. I feel a lot better crawling into my cave like Gollum. It amazes me how easily I can automatically go to the negative and feel instantly better when I’m unhappy. I guess that’s one thing that makes me me, Little Miss Negative.
I should be diagnosed as borderline emo or something. Oh well. Its been done and successfully too. I don’t check my phone anymore for messages. I don’t expect anything. I shouldn’t have to begin with. The day anything works out in my favor is probably the day the world ends or I die or I just go insane and its all just a giant hallucination.
In a day or even by the end of this one, I should be back to my usual self. Sorry guys, for putting you through this. Just shows much you love me and how much you care.
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