Hod Damngit.

What the fuck is wrong with me getting some fucking sleep and not dealing with this god damn shit?!

GOD!

I AM GOING TO THROW MYSELF DOWN A FUCKING FLIGHT OF STAIRS!  THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!

BULL

FUCKING!

SHIT!!

Ok. What had happened was…

I wrote a reply back to Mathiu and it was rather…obvious that I was irritated but in actuality, I’M FUCKING PISSED!  As soon as I hit send, BAM!  An MSN window popped up from some douchebag that lives in the area that keeps trying to date me (and tell me what I am and am not feeling and what everything I say means), but 22 is not something I want to go back to in age.  Like 4 seconds after that, I got a Myspace chat window!  BAM!  Guy in Louisiana confesses his feelings for me, but he’s taken.  That’s too far away anyway.  THEN!  Just moments after Jake popped up, MATHIU POPS UP ON MSN AND SENDS ME A MESSAGE!

I’m fucking irate and pissed and homicidal.  We wind up camming.  Nothing dirty.  Just sitting there staring at each other.  He explains that he does believe me, but he can’t fathom it.  Which is fucking rank ass bullshit.  That pisses me off even more.

But I can’t stay pissed at him for long!  I TRIED!  I wavered!  I successfully stayed pissed!  Oh did I stay pissed!  Everything he said, I butted my head back and guess who has the harder head!  ME!

At one point he said that I should go visit him at work and we could go into the freezers.  I told him he’d be hard up and blue before that happened and when it did, he’d come out worse off than he already was.  I really REALLY fucking like him against my fucking will.  I had 8 mother fucking days to deal with this shit.  I THOUGHT I HAD!  NOPE!  SURPRISE!  GOD!  That is bullshit.

 

 

So I was in the bathroom shortly ago.  It suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks.  When it does, I almost faint.  Then I mouth the word “love” and I throw up.  Then I said it out loud and I wanted to die.  I think I am in the throws of puppy love.  I have every symptom.  The thought makes me want to stab myself repeatedly with a broken bone I ripped out or off of me.

Yes.  I know, I bitched earlier about this, but I figured it would be for someone else.  BUT NO.  When that asshole popped back up tonight, I wanted to puke.  I got out of bed to read a message that I could have let go until this moment or even longer!  But I wanted to read what he said.

So I was a nasty bitch when he signed on…  I wound up winning, but now he knows.  It was an awkward while, but we’re adults.  We’ll deal with shit.  BUT FUCK!

WHY THE GOD DAMN COMPLICATIONS!?